Mistress Jokes

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

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15 Year Jokes More 15 Year Jokes

Where will you see yourself in 15 years?

A Mirror

How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

They don't change it. They just watch it burn out, then follow it around for another 15 years.

Mattress Jokes More Mattress Jokes

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why are there so many piggy banks?

Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many Frenchmen does it take to guard Paris?

No one knows, it's never been done before

How do you know you have a high sperm count?

She has to chew.

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

What's the problem?

Wife: He makes friends with the strangest things Me petting a bee: You're not strange are you Alan

Anticipate Jokes More Anticipate Jokes

Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister?

ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Definition Jokes More Definition Jokes

What is the definition of masurbation?

Coming unscrewed

What is the definition of a farmer!?

Someone who is out-standing in his field!

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

Why did the girltree fall in love with the boy tree?

He was sappy

What did the bird say after its cage fell apart?

Cheap cheap!

Islamic Jokes More Islamic Jokes

What do they call their mistresses in Islamic countries?

Haram Baes

What do you call an Islamic pilot?

A pilot, you racist.