Mistress Jokes

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

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Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees. You've never seen an elephant in a cherry tree? They're pretty good at it.

Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?

Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box !

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

Your wife back, your dog back, your house back...

Why did the popular kittens not want to hang out with the kitten with a prosthesis?

OC It was an obvious faux paw. Credit: My wife's a dork.

Islamic Jokes More Islamic Jokes

What do you call an Islamic mosquito?

A 'mosque-ito'.

What's an Islamic extremist's favorite baseball team?

The new york Jets

Ceiling Jokes More Ceiling Jokes

Why do they want to relocate the Sistine chapel in Boston?

Because it's more than a ceiling

How do you start a raid in Ethiopia?

Staple food to the ceiling!

Anticipate Jokes More Anticipate Jokes

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister?

ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.

Einstein Jokes More Einstein Jokes

What do you call it when Einstein faps?

A stroke of genius.

Why was Einstein unable to build a wall?

He only had Ein Stein

15 Year Jokes More 15 Year Jokes

Why was Jared Fogle upset?

Because he was sentenced to over 15 years in prison.

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

Stop Jokes More Stop Jokes

When does a hunger strike stop?

When hunger strikes.

Why did they stop the leper hockey game?

There was a face off in the corner.