Mistress Jokes

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

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What is the difference between a wife and a mistress?

About 20kg.

What's the definition of a Mistress?

Oh, I don't know. Probably something between a Mister and a mattress.

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

What the Girlfriend, the Mistress and the Wife say Girlfriend: Are you done already?

Mistress: Are you done yet Wife: Beige... I think I'll paint the ceiling beige...

What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?

A: About fifty pounds.

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Where do animals go when their tails falls off?

The retail store

Why no pants on?

We think he tried to jump into his pants & fell

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What's the definition of a Polygamist?

Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!

What is the definition of Robin ?

A bird who steals !

Anticipate Jokes More Anticipate Jokes

Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress?

She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement

Why do I have to share a room with my twin sister?

ME: Because we only anticipated having one of you.

Paint Jokes More Paint Jokes

What's the difference between a nail and a painting?

It only takes one nail to hang a painting.

What's blue, standing in the kitchen?

STFU, I can paint my wife any colour I want!

Mattress Jokes More Mattress Jokes

Why is King Joffrey like a mattress?

Two twins make a King.

Why did the engineer buy a mattress?

To sleep under it

Pound Jokes More Pound Jokes

What do you call a man who loses pounds for a living?

A bad gambler

What's the best way to lose some pounds?

Leave the EU.

Ceiling Jokes More Ceiling Jokes

How do you know if there’s an elephant under your bed?

Your head hits the ceiling!

What noise does a ceiling fan make?

GO CEILING!!! WHOOOHOOO!!!! YOUR NUMBER ONE!! YAY, CEILING RULES!!!

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

There's really no sure way to know.

Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?

A: They don't know the route.