Morning Wood Jokes

What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack?

Morning wood.

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Why is morning wood full of holes?

Because the woodpecker.

When does a Frenchman get his morning wood?

A bonne heure.

What's worse than morning wood?

Mourning wood

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What did the necrophiliac have when his grandmother died?

Mourning wood

What do you call an erection during a funeral?

Mourning wood!

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What do you call a corn farmer who wakes up one morning to find that complex branching pathways have been cut into his field?

amaized.

What's 12" long, rock hard in the morning, and makes a woman cry?

A dead baby.

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What do you call an erection during a funeral?

Mourning wood!

When should funerals occur?

Mourning

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How long does it take to fly to Boston?

The clerk said "Just a minute..." "Thank you" the man said and hung up.

How do the greek separate the men from the boys?

With a crow bar.

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Why didn't the bullet have a job?

It got fired.

What did the tailor say after a job well done?

There is nothing left too loose.

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What's awkward for a man but a normal part of the job for a lumberjack?

Morning wood.

What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone?

I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

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What is the worst kind of wood to have in your home around your kids?

Naughty pine

How do you find your dog if he's lost in the woods ?

Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !

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Whats the distance between hole one and hole two?

She answered "About an inch".

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke holes that it's often poked before?

A key.