Torture Jokes

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

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What do you call the feeling of being a tortured insect?

Antagony

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?

You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog.

Why did the CIA torture the Russian wasp?

Because he was a cagey bee agent.

How do you torture Hellen Keller?

Give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

Who needs whips and chains?

Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.

Why did the Russians use peanuts for torture in the Cold War?

Because in Soviet Russia, Nut Cracks You!

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What do you call a white guy in an abusive relationship?

Whipped cream.

What do you call a white slave?

Whipped cream.

Unwilling Agnostic Jokes More Unwilling Agnostic Jokes

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Somebody who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question whether or not theres a dog.

What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?

You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog.

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What term is used to describe a phenomenon where a European mans ejaculates prematurely?

Pole Position

How did 1337 Jesus escape his tomb?

X-Post from ProgrammerHumor) He used an encrypted key.

Ana Jokes More Ana Jokes

Why can you only date girls named Ana?

because I got a tattoo that says Ana

Who needs whips and chains?

Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.

Somebody Jokes More Somebody Jokes

How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?

Somebody left the plunger in the toilet.

Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye?

Because she was seeing somebody on the side.

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How does one know a man is going to say something smart?

His senentences start with "A woman once told me.."

How many countries does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Five. Germany to start it, France to try and then give up almost immediately, Italy to start, give up, and try again from the other side, America to finish it and claim credit for the whole thing, and Switzerland to sit in the dark and pretend that nothing happened.

Soviet Russia Jokes More Soviet Russia Jokes

How many Soviets does it take to change a light bulb?

None! In Soviet Russia, light bulb changes you!

How do they cook a turkey in Russia?

They nuke it. OR In Soviet Russia, Turkey fires you!

Shade Jokes More Shade Jokes

Who needs whips and chains?

Christian should have had Ana read Fifty Shades of Grey if he wanted to torture her.

Why are Paris's streets lined with trees?

German soldiers like to march in the shade.