Vend Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

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What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Rapper Jokes More Rapper Jokes

How many rappers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two!.......pac. (*It's a lot better spoken than written.*)

What do they say about a rapper who stole a dictionary?

He got a way with words.

Agree Jokes More Agree Jokes

Why does everyone agree when you judge someone's voice?

Because you make sound judgement.

What did Daredevil say after begrudgingly agreeing with The Punisher's brutally honest opinion that he's just a half-measure?

You're such a Frank Castle."

Quarter Jokes More Quarter Jokes

Why couldn't the pirate use the bubblegum vending machine?

Because there is no quarter for the wicked.

What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

Why do dinosaurs use Christian dating sites?

Because they can lie about their age!

Why didn't the panda use a glove when playing baseball?

Because he caught everything bear handed!

Gym Jokes More Gym Jokes

Why did 2Pac go to the gym?

To get a 6Pac! -7th grade me

What do you call a lazy Italian at the gym?

Mussolini

Good Machine Jokes More Good Machine Jokes

What's the best machine I can use?

The trainer responds, "The ATM"

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

Gym Membership Jokes More Gym Membership Jokes

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Why are gym memberships illegal?

Because of the Free Exercise Clause.

Eminem Jokes More Eminem Jokes

What is Eminem made of?

He is made of Mathers

Why did Taco Bell hire Eminem?

Because he's a Wrap God