Vend Jokes

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

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What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

I want my quarter back!

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why did you cancel your gym membership?

Me: There were some changes in the vending machines that I didn't agree with

Why are most rappers afraid of vending machines?

Because eminem's in there (Sorry, it works better when it's spoken)

What does a vending machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "Insert Bill Here"

What's black and steals your change?

Vending machines.

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Gym Jokes More Gym Jokes

Why did the bike not go to the gym?

BECAUSE IT WAS TOO TIRED :D:D:D:D:D:D

What's the only thing working out at the gym?

The business plan.

Vend Machine Jokes More Vend Machine Jokes

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Agree Jokes More Agree Jokes

Why does everyone agree when you judge someone's voice?

Because you make sound judgement.

What's the biggest lie of the Universe?

I Have Read and Agree to the Terms of Service."

Good Machine Jokes More Good Machine Jokes

What's the best machine I can use?

The trainer responds, "The ATM"

What's the best machine at the gym?

The vending machine.

Quarter Jokes More Quarter Jokes

How did Chad Kroeger lose a quarter?

Everyone who bought his tickets wanted their nickelback

What is Meghan Trainor's favorite instrument?

A double quarter pounder with cheese.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why did the antelope go to her sisters house?

She wanted to see her nephewlope

What is the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

On Saint Patrick's Day everybody wants to be Irish.

Monica Lewinsky Jokes More Monica Lewinsky Jokes

What's white, located in washington and has a president within it?

Monica Lewinsky's teeth.

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

Use Jokes More Use Jokes

How long have you been waiting to use that joke?

He happily says, "Since 2009!"

What mathematical operation is used to calculate the rate at which lumberjacks cut wood?

Logger-rhythms.