Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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Sea Jokes More Sea Jokes

How do you cut the sea in half?

With a seesaw (I'll see myself out)

Why do seagulls only fly over the sea?

If they flew over the bay, they'd be called Baygulls.

Merry Jokes More Merry Jokes

What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

Why can't horses fix merry go rounds?

They'd be terrified

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time?

Quantum Mechanics.

How do zombies communicate in times of war?

Cryptic code.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What did Captain Kirk do when his girlfriend told him she had a defecation fetish?

William Shat-on-her

How do you tell the difference between an introvert or extrovert software engineer?

The extrovert looks at your feet when talking.

Nervous Wreck Jokes More Nervous Wreck Jokes

What is at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck.

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

Snowman Jokes More Snowman Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Where does a snowman put his birthday candles?

On his birthday flake!

Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What happens when a calculus teacher with one arm can't figure out a proof?

He gets stumped.

What did the child with no arms get for Christmas?

Gloves. Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet.

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

Why did the blond lay out on the lawn chair in her bikini at midnight?

She wanted to get a dark tan.

What's yellow has wheels and lies on its back?

A dead school bus!