Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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Arm Jokes More Arm Jokes

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?

We don't know she hasn't opened her presents yet.

Where can you find a dog with no arms and no legs?

Right where you left it

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

How many have you derailed this year?

I replied, "I'm not sure, it's hard to keep track"

Why is Dubya voting Republican this year?

So he'll only be the second worst president ever.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you keep a idiot waiting?

I'll tell you guys later.

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly flat?

You use a spirit level.

What do you want for your birthday?

Me: You could get me a "world's best dad" mug. 4: You told me not to lie.

Shoutout Jokes More Shoutout Jokes

Why did the rapper scream into his Easter basket?

He wanted to give a shoutout to his peeps

What's green, slimy and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger (shoutout to Hesher)

Merry Jokes More Merry Jokes

How to cats greet each other at Christmas ?

A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year" !

Why can't horses fix merry go rounds?

They'd be terrified

Snowman Jokes More Snowman Jokes

Who doesn't like to sit in front of the fire?

A Snowman.

What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen prefer ?

I.C. !

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

How many trans women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but first they have to sit in the dark for a year and then get letters from two electricians giving them permission.

What do you call a drunk executioner?

A dun-GIN keeper. Edit: You have my permission to post this on r/dadjokes