Xmas Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck! I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile.

What has eight arms and tells the time?

A clocktopus Shoutout to the popper from my Xmas dinner

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Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs?

The rest are hunting peckers.

Why do programmers drink coffee so much?

So they aren't lying when they say they like Java.

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

Why did the Islamic woman die when she fell into the ocean?

She thought to yell for help, but her husband was nowhere around to grant her permission to do so.

Attend Jokes More Attend Jokes

Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade?

There were too many vets.

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

Ho Ho Ho Jokes More Ho Ho Ho Jokes

What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'?

They are both santa clauses.

What do you call someone who would do *anything* for a chocolate snack cake?

A ho ho ho. (merry xmas!)

Nervous Wreck Jokes More Nervous Wreck Jokes

What is quivering at the bottom of the ocean?

A nervous wreck.

What lies on the bottom of the ocean and shakes?

A nervous wreck.

Merry Jokes More Merry Jokes

What did Pippin Took do when he was drunk?

He began to feel Merry.

What does Santa say when he meets your wife, your sister and your mother?

HO HO HO, Merry Christmas!

Smile Jokes More Smile Jokes

Why does Mona Lisa smiling?

The Mona Lisa is smiling because Chuck Norris let her live.

What do you call a guy going down on a girl with a smile on his face?

A Gladiator

Christmas Jokes More Christmas Jokes

What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Who is never hungry at Christmas ?

The turkey - he's always stuffed !