Attend Jokes

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.

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What do you call a meeting exclusively attended by pine, juniper and fir trees?

A coniference.

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

Why your oven doesn't attend an university?

It already has at least hundred degrees

Whats the worst the thing about having to attend a funeral?

The guest of honor always shows up late!

Why should you attend someone's funeral although you know they won't be attend yours back?

Because they will be at your funeral in spirit

What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?

None attended the University of Miami.

Why did the chicken attend the seance?

To get to the other side.

Why did the skeleton not attend prom?

He had no body to go with.

Why wouldn't the dog attend the Veterans Day Parade?

There were too many vets.

What kind of church does a triangle attend?

Anglican.

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What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon?

tenish.

Why didn't the insomniac attend his uncle's funeral?

he's not a mourning person

Why didn't the cellphone attend the wedding?

He heard the reception was going to be terrible...

Who's concerts cost only 45 cents to attend?

50 Cent ft. Nickelback

Why didn't the sun have to attend university?

It's already got thousands of degrees.

Where did the universe attend college?

At the university.

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People Jokes More People Jokes

How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on?

asking for a friend

How can you know that you are insecure about what other people think of your post?

deleted

Lack Jokes More Lack Jokes

Why does Skeleton Soup taste so poor?

It lacks body

Why don't biology and physics get on?

They lack chemistry.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a gun and amnesia?

Oh shoot, I forgot...

Whats the difference between a burglar and an ex-wife?

At least the burglar has the decency to leave you the house.

Marijuana Jokes More Marijuana Jokes

What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

The "steaks" get higher

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

Steak Jokes More Steak Jokes

How do lions like their steaks?

RAWR

Why did the farmer stop smoking with his cattle?

Because the steaks were too high...

Degree Jokes More Degree Jokes

What do you call a snake with a degree in engineering?

A Boa Constructor

Where did Dr. Pepper get his degree?

The University of Minnesoda

Flight Attendant Jokes More Flight Attendant Jokes

What do you call it when a flight attendant gets pregnant?

Pilot error.

What did the flight attendant say to get the attention of the plane full of Kim Basinger clones?

Attention Basingers" hahaha

Permission Jokes More Permission Jokes

How many trans women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but first they have to sit in the dark for a year and then get letters from two electricians giving them permission.

What do you call a snowman who cons people?

A snowfake.