Marijuana Jokes

What does a pencil have in common with marijuana?

If it doesn't make you look smart, it's blunt.

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How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market?

Buy high sell higher.

Why did the cow return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Where is the best place in town to buy marijuana?

High Street, of course.

Why did the rancher stop attending poker night with his marijuana smoking steers?

The steaks were getting too damn high.

What do you call a guy with two marijuanas?

Double jointed.

Why did the marijuana addict lose the race?

He was running on fumes.

What does Michigan State football and Marijuana have in common?

They are both green and get smoked in bowls!

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What happens when you give a cow marijuana?

The "steaks" get higher

What do you call money that grows on trees?

Marijuana

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What's more illegal than marijuana?

My Mexican neighbor

Why did the cows keep returning to the field of marijuana?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you call a marijuana induced tragedy?

Blunt Trauma

What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana?

Cheech Marinade!

What did the Chinese vocalist do after smoking some marijuana?

He Shanghai.

Why did the cattle leave the marijuana field?

Because the steaks were too high!

Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

What did the middle eastern man say to his marijuana enthusiast wife?

Stoner!

What do the Montreal Canadians and marijuana addicts have in common?

Both of them smoke the leafs

What kind of marijuana do cows smoke?

moo-dicinal

Why did the cows return to the marijuana farm?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

What do you get when you administer marijuana to cows?

High steaks! (I'll just see my way out...)

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Both of them smoke the leafs

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He was running on fumes.

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Why are the steaks so high?

Because the pot was calling the cattle back and the cows went back to the marijuana field.

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

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Who else does this?

1. wets toothbrush 2. puts toothpaste on toothbrush 3. wets toothbrush again 4. does backflip on to huge pile of money

How do Filipinos count money?

One-a two-a three-a four-a another-a ...

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What do you get when you mix olive oil, lemon juice, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and marijuana?

Cheech Marinade!

Why couldn't the man open a fish and herb shop?

Because he didn't have the thyme or the plaice.

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What do a racist and an apple have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree

What did the tree say when it messed up?

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Why shouldn't you buy underwear made in the Ukraine?

Because Chernobyl fallout.

What is the driest soda you can buy?

Baking soda.