Dolphin Jokes

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

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Why was the dolphin sad?

Because it had no porpoise in life.

Why did the dolphin apologize?

He didn't do it on porpoise.

What do you call a dolphin with agoraphobia?

endorphins

What did the dolphin say to the frog?

Eeeee eeee eeeee ieeeee eeee eee. Dolphins don't talk dummy.

Why did the dolphin get a fair trial?

Because Habeas Porpoise.

Why did the dolphin run away from home to start a new life?

He felt he had lost his sense of porpoise.

What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water?

Dolphout

What did the dolphin say when he ran into the sea turtle?

Sorry, I didn't do it on porpoise."

Why was the dolphin depressed?

He felt he had no porpoise in life

Why did the dolphin go to church?

He was looking for a porpoise. (thought this one up but I doubt I was the first one that did.)

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What did the dolphin say when three orcas swam by?

Whale, whale, whale, who do we have here? Please, this is a cry for help.

Why did the lone dolphin stop swimming?

He didn't see a porpoise...

What do you call a bartender giving two dolphins a drink?

Serving dual porpoises!

What did the dolphin say when he got in trouble?

I didn't do it on Porpoise!!"

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he saw a dolphin caught in a net?

It's not a too-nah!"

Why was the dolphin so upset with the attendance of his drunken kegger?

It lacked porpoise.

Why did the dolphin feel crabby?

Because he ate too many crabs!

Why was the dolphin happy and the shark depressed?

The sharks life lacked porpoise.

What is a Dolphins favorite ingredient?

All porpoise flour.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

A: I didn't do it on porpoise.

Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career?

She had no sense of porpoise.

How does a group of dolphin's make a decision?

Flipper coin!

What do dolphins use to stay clean?

All-porpoise cleaner.

What do the dolphins and the post office have in common?

Neither deliver on Sundays.

Why are dolphins all friends with each other?

They just click you know

How do dolphins send messages?

By sea-mail.

What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way?

He whale-d

How do Dolphins live their lives?

With a porpoise.

Why was the scientist allowed to use dolphins for his experiments?

Because they were for test porpoise only

What did the dolphin say to the other dolphin after he splashed him?

Hey! You did that on porpoise!"

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ?

He prawned everything !

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

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What body of water separates Italy from the word 'goodbye'?

River Derci. Sorry.

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What do you call a mouse named Bob who's having an existential crisis?

Bob.

Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

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What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?

Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

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Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.

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Why did the witch wear a green felt pointed hat?

So she could walk across snooker tables without being seen.

Why was Lindsay Lohan feeling sleepy?

He was buying drinks.

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Why did the aquarium have an existential crisis when the dolphins were released to the wild?

It lost its porpoise.

How do you spot a cheetah in the wild?

You don't, they're already spotted!

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Why do you never see black people on cruise ships?

Because they won't fall for the same trick twice

Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife?

Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her

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How do you get people to pirate an album?

Release it on TIDAL

What was the best thing Kurt Cobain ever released?

The safety.

Cry Jokes More Cry Jokes

Where you see yourself in 5 years?

Doing your job. "And me " Jobless and upset about the divorce "OMG" *runs out crying*

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one