Whale Jokes

What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?

Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

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What do whales do on dates?

Netflix and Krill

Why are there no feminists in Japan?

Because they hunt whales.

How does Geppetto exact his revenge on Monstro the Whale?

Marry a net maker

How do you catch a whale?

You wait until last call and use a good pick up line.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Why did the whale cross the road?

To get to the other tide.

Why was there a whale in Wales in a well?

We're not sure, its a deep subject....

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale

What did the dolphin say when three orcas swam by?

Whale, whale, whale, who do we have here? Please, this is a cry for help.

Why was the whale lonely after his date?

The other whale didn't humpback.

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What do you call a symphony of whales?

An orcastra

Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

Where do you weigh a whale?

At a whale weigh station

What is a whales favorite pasttime?

Netflix and krill.

What do you call a whale that isn't wearing any underwear?

Free Willy

What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?

Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

How do you get a whale off a beach?

A whale-barrow!

How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?

Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.

How do you weigh a whale?

On Whale Weigh Scales.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

A: I didn't do it on porpoise.

Where do you go if you need to weigh a whale?

A whale-weigh station!

What is worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

Going to kiss your grandmother goodnight and she slips you the tongue.

What do you say when you see three whales?

Whale whale whale, what do we have here

Why did the whale have to go see his doctor?

His diet was krill-in him.

What do you call a group of whales playing music together?

An Orcastra

How do you turn a fox into a whale?

Marry her.

What's worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

When you go to kiss your grandma goodbye and she slips you the tongue.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

How do whales type e-mails?

With their fish fingers.

Where do they weigh whales?

At the whale weigh station of course.

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?

Whale of fortune !

Why did the whale like the diver?

Because he had flippers!

What gave you that idea?

queried the octopus. "Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.

What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale ?

You can't keep a good man down !

What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common?

They both watch whales.

What's the difference between a whale and a toaster?

You didn't pop out of a toaster.

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

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What do you call a Mexican at the bottom of the ocean?

Pollution. What do you call every Mexican at the bottom of the ocean? Solution.

What does Tupac Shakur and Oceans 13 have in common?

They were both shot in Vegas!

Humpback Jokes More Humpback Jokes

What do you call a retarded camel?

A humpback.

Why was the whale lonely after his date?

The other whale didn't humpback.

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

What is large and grey and shoots tourists in Africa?

An elefanatic, of course.

What's a pirate's favorite letter in the alphabet?

ARRGGHH" (R) Your response = (in a pirate voice of course) "You'd think it'd be the ARRGGHH but it actually be the SEA!!! (C)

Whale Weigh Station Jokes More Whale Weigh Station Jokes

Where do you weigh a whale?

At a whale weigh station

Where do you go if you need to weigh a whale?

A whale-weigh station!

Blubber Jokes More Blubber Jokes

What's the M0D's name before they're triggered; turning into a furious, putrid, lump of blubber?

Bruce Banner

Which ghost sailed the seven seas looking for rubbish and blubber?

The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

Help Jokes More Help Jokes

What did the horse say when he fell over?

Help! I've fallen and I can't giddy up."

What place of business helps dogs who have lost their tails?

A retail store.

Beach Jokes More Beach Jokes

Why did the wave fail the driving test?

It kept crashing on the beach.

What do you call tiny waves that wash up onto a beach?

Microwaves!

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

What's the difference between a bag of cocaine &amp a small child?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out of a window...

Why didn't Wilma let Fred in when he was banging at the door?

Because she was in the shower and didn't hear him because the elephant stump was on full blast.