Whale Jokes

What do you get if you cross a woman with a whale?

Your research funding suspended and a severe reprimand from the ethics committee.

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What do whales do on dates?

Netflix and Krill

Why are there no feminists in Japan?

Because they hunt whales.

How does Geppetto exact his revenge on Monstro the Whale?

Marry a net maker

How do you catch a whale?

You wait until last call and use a good pick up line.

Why do whales have really good immune systems?

They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!

Why did the whale cross the road?

To get to the other tide.

Why was there a whale in Wales in a well?

We're not sure, its a deep subject....

What's the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

One wags it's tail, while the other tags a whale

What did the dolphin say when three orcas swam by?

Whale, whale, whale, who do we have here? Please, this is a cry for help.

Why was the whale lonely after his date?

The other whale didn't humpback.

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What do you call a symphony of whales?

An orcastra

Why should you never trust a whale with your secrets?

They're huge blubbermouths.

Where do you weigh a whale?

At a whale weigh station

What is a whales favorite pasttime?

Netflix and krill.

What do you call a whale that isn't wearing any underwear?

Free Willy

What happens when you drop a whale on thin ice?

Her: What You: It breaks the ice. Hi, i'm (your name)

How do you get a whale off a beach?

A whale-barrow!

How do you get two whales in a Mini Cooper?

Take the M4, across the Severn Bridge.

How do you weigh a whale?

On Whale Weigh Scales.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

A: I didn't do it on porpoise.

Where do you go if you need to weigh a whale?

A whale-weigh station!

What is worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

Going to kiss your grandmother goodnight and she slips you the tongue.

What do you say when you see three whales?

Whale whale whale, what do we have here

Why did the whale have to go see his doctor?

His diet was krill-in him.

What do you call a group of whales playing music together?

An Orcastra

How do you turn a fox into a whale?

Marry her.

What's worse than a whale with a sore tooth?

When you go to kiss your grandma goodbye and she slips you the tongue.

What do you call something that swims, is big and has 4 legs?

A whale with a table taped to it.

How do whales type e-mails?

With their fish fingers.

Where do they weigh whales?

At the whale weigh station of course.

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?

Whale of fortune !

Why did the whale like the diver?

Because he had flippers!

What gave you that idea?

queried the octopus. "Oh, I have inside information" said the whale.

What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale ?

You can't keep a good man down !

What does a lifeguard and a manager of a Curves have in common?

They both watch whales.

What's the difference between a whale and a toaster?

You didn't pop out of a toaster.

How do you get two whales in a car?

Start in England and drive West.

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Sea Jokes More Sea Jokes

Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?

Jack the kipper !

Why are there so many fish in the sea?

They're always getting hooked up

Ocean Jokes More Ocean Jokes

What do you call a dog with no legs in the ocean?

Bob Barker

What do you call a #robot stranded in the ocean?

A row bot.

Beach Jokes More Beach Jokes

What did the guy say to MJ at the beach?

Get out of my son.

What kind of witch goes to the beach?

A: Sandwitch

Blubber Jokes More Blubber Jokes

What did the stoic dolphin say to the whiny whale?

Cut out all that blubber and you can be more like me.

What's the M0D's name before they're triggered; turning into a furious, putrid, lump of blubber?

Bruce Banner

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable?

A fruit doesn't need a wheelchair

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

When Chipotle says, "Guacamole is $1.50 extra, is that ok?

I pause, then say, "Hang on, let me call my financial advisor."

What did one royal family say to the other before getting into a fight?

Put up your Dukes! I'll just let myself out...

Suspend Jokes More Suspend Jokes

What's the difference between US Politics and WWE?

one is a predetermined charade that takes a tremendous amount of willingness to suspend disbelief the other is pro wrestling.

Why was Selena Gomez suspended in elementary school?

Because she couldn't keep her hands to herself.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross the Italian mafia with the Russian mafia?

Thrown in a lake.

What do you get if you cross an Egyptian mummy with a car mechanic?

Toot and Car Man.