Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?

Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with "Please wait while your computer shuts down"...

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Think Jokes More Think Jokes

How's the ventriloquism going?

ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it.

Which is the best kind of dinosaur to play hide &amp seek with?

An I-Don't-Think- He-Saurus

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

It was stumped.

Where's my freaking phone?

and it answers, "I'm here! Under your jacket!"

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why was Heisenberg's wife unhappy?

Whenever he had the energy, he didn't have the time.

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

How does the blind man know when to stop wiping his arse?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white?

Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

Computer Jokes More Computer Jokes

How do computers measure pain?

Gigahurts. (Came up with this in the car on my way to school hopefully its original)

How do computers learn to read?

C:/ Dos C:/ Dos Run Run Dos Run

Window Jokes More Window Jokes

Why couldn't the chicken fly through the window?

A: It was closed.

What's the difference between windows 10 and the world's biggest virus?

The Logo.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What's the difference between a PC gamer and a console player?

One spends 400 dollars on a console that will play games for years, the other pays 400 dollars for a graphics card that will be outdated in a week

Why did the student fail the exam?

Spent too much time figuring out the Engels, so he didnt get the Marx.... thats what he gets for Stalin

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

How do you know if a hippo is in your oven?

The door won't close

How many IT techs does it take to change a lightbulb?

Ticket closed: Forwarded to facilities.

Shut Jokes More Shut Jokes

What is the difference between a barking dog and an umbrella?

The umbrella can be shut up.

How do you shut an Italian up?

Tie his hands behind his back

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

Wait, I can explain everything!

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?

Wait until he's finished.