Accelerate Jokes

What does HONDA stand for?

Hold On, Not Done Accelerating.

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What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

What's the best way to accelerate a Mac?

A: 9.81 m/s2

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

How do you get someone with a doctorate in philosophy to leave your house?

Just pay for your pizza.

How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana?

She left him out in the sun too long.

Foot Jokes More Foot Jokes

Why is it good to know someone who kicks ducks in the face?

Because they're always footing the bill.

What do you get when you cross a foot with cookware?

Potato!

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Whatcha watching?

Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there Me: Two people. 9: Are they married Me: Not for long.

Why is Luis Suarez a c*nt?

Because he lives in Liverpool.

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

What do jedi hate the most?

Forced jokes.

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

Kind Jokes More Kind Jokes

What kind of water do ducks drink?

Bottled Waddle.

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How do you make a Game of Thrones fan sad?

You ask them to hold the door for you.

Why did Sepp Blatter resign from the FIFA president position?

He just couldn't hold it any longer.

Leper Jokes More Leper Jokes

How could a leper afford a nice house?

It cost an arm and a leg

Why did the leper chase the leopard?

Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)

Crash Jokes More Crash Jokes

Who is he?

Crash Bandicoot God I miss this guy.

Why did Bruce Jenner crash his car?

Because she's a woman.