Accelerate Jokes

What does HONDA stand for?

Hold On, Not Done Accelerating.

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What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

What's the best way to accelerate a Mac?

A: 9.81 m/s2

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Remain Jokes More Remain Jokes

What's left of a garden after it catches on fire?

Chard remains.

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER.

Envelope Jokes More Envelope Jokes

What type of animals are put on envelopes?

Seals.

What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me man... We'll go places. Peace. Hmath out.

Force Jokes More Force Jokes

What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?

A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

What did the conductor do when half of the cello section called in sick a week before a major concert?

He was forced to resort to excessive violins.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why is Santa such a jolly old elf?

He knows where the naughty girls live.

What can a yakuza do for living when he doesn't want to hurt people?

tattoo master

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

What has 100 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

How many politicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

You hold the lightbulb and every politician screws you!

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why did the dog keep dropping his ball?

He had barkinsons disease.

What do you call a dog that wisely saves money for retirement?

A 401(K-9).

Object Jokes More Object Jokes

Why did got object to the wedding between the catholic man and the catholic woman?

He doesn't approve of same sect marriage

What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied?

Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!

Leper Jokes More Leper Jokes

What did one leper say to another?

Got yer nose!

What's the fastest way to make a skeleton?

Put a leper in a wind tunnel