Bill Wither Jokes

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

You put it in the microwave until its bill withers.

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How can you tell if a duck has soul?

If it's bill withers!

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Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

What do you tell a slow tomato?

what Ketchup

How do mute people tell each others secrets?

They put on mittens.

Tree Jokes More Tree Jokes

What's the difference between a baby and a tree?

Trees don't bleed when you cut their limbs off.

What do you call a tree that hates this joke?

A face palm.

Sun Jokes More Sun Jokes

What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?

A runny bunny.

What do you call someone who reads in the sun?

Well Red.

Turn Jokes More Turn Jokes

How do you turn regular water into holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

What is the best part about duct tape?

It can turn "no, no, no!" Into "mmm, mmm, mmm"

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why did Helen Keller fire her maid?

Cuz she left the plunger in the toilet. - Jackie Martling

What's 6" long, bent to the left, and in the front of my pants??

My iPhone 6.

Microwave Jokes More Microwave Jokes

Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?

There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.

How did the tiny frozen dinner meet the little kid's belly?

microwave

Soul Jokes More Soul Jokes

How is everything?

ME: Soul crushing and void of meaning W: I meant your meal M: Soul crushing, void of meaning, and needs salt

What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church?

The woman in church has hope in her soul.

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What does Bill Cosby do when he can't sleep at night?

He finishes her drink EDIT: Apparently this is Conan's joke, so all credit goes to him. I just heard it from a friend of mine and I had no idea.

Why did the protester cross the road?

To get to the Occupy! EDIT: To get to the other side/Occupy?