Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What did the cat say to the prison guard?

Let MEOOWWWWTTTT!!!!

Why did the cat stop singing?

Because it was out of tuna.

Compose Jokes More Compose Jokes

What is Mozart doing right now?

De-composing

What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

Policy Jokes More Policy Jokes

How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy?

There's some things I've licked that I don't want.

Why did the army's craftsman enact a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" Policy?

He didn't want any glaze in the military

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

Why was the pianist arrested?

He was caught playing in A minor.

Why did the Irish man never get caught drink driving?

Because he never left the pub.

Raise Jokes More Raise Jokes

How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?

A: None. The democrats do that.

Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden?

He wanted to raise some hard cash.

Good Place Jokes More Good Place Jokes

Why is the KKK a good place to find a job?

Cos they'll always hook a brutha up

Where is the best place to find discounted ray bans?

gt marked as spam

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why did the Soviets decide to be Russian?

Cuz they got tired of Stalin.

Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept?

How about a simple yes or no and we'll decide if that's positive or negative.

Select Jokes More Select Jokes

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS?

He was in Peake condition.