Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What did the emu say to the nurse?

A: Mend her bones or walk the plank

Raise Jokes More Raise Jokes

What is the difference between a black man and an elevator?

An elevator can raise a child.

What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A. They really raised Cain.

Oh God Jokes More Oh God Jokes

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What did one coconut say to the other?

Oh my god a talking coconut!

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What did the cat do when he didn't want to watch the movie?

He paws-ed it!

Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse?

A: Catch.

Ice Jokes More Ice Jokes

What did the police officer want from the criminal store?

Just ice.

What do magistrates have with their water?

Just ice.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What is the difference between Russian Optimist Pessimist and Realist?

An Optimist learns German. A Pessimist learns Chinese. A Realist learns AK-47.

What's the difference between your mom and a drug dealer?

Your mom can wash her crack and re-sell it.

Receive Jokes More Receive Jokes

What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

What is the best way to receive downvotes on reddit?

Wohahaha! That was funny! XD

Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

What did the chemist say when he caught his brother stealing halogens?

Bro, mine

What did one tower say to the other?

I've got a plane to catch