Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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What did the cat... Say to the person?

Nothing, because cats don't speak.

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Because it needs bailing out.

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ANSWER: Until he gets caught.

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The punchlines were too long.

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Why are most guys like floor tile?

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A life with out porpoise.

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What do Bernie Sanders and the Statue of Liberty have in common?

Common people sent both of them pennies to help build a foundation for liberty.

What is Bernie Sanders' LEAST favorite band?

SWV (sisters with voices)

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What did the author tell his publisher when he handed him a 600 pages instead of the 200 the publisher had asked for?

Sorry, I overwrote your order. :-)

What did the banana peel say when asked what happens after it's thrown into the compost pile?

IDK, i'm just a banana.

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What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!

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What's your strongest weakness?

Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent