Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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Raise Jokes More Raise Jokes

How to raise a kid?

I injected my kid with yeast and put him in the oven for 30 minutes but he didn't rise. Any suggestions

Why was the horse farmer arrested?

He was raising a colt.

Select Jokes More Select Jokes

What were the favorite Linux text editors of 8 randomly selected Monty Python fans?

vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, vim, emacs, and vim.

How do the Chinese select their baby names?

They chuck a tin can down the stairs Ping Wong ching Pang

Receive Jokes More Receive Jokes

What does every Elmo receive before they leave the factory?

Two test tickles!

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?

Forty feet of track - all straight!

Acknowledge Jokes More Acknowledge Jokes

What's the difference between a Baptist and a Catholic?

Catholics acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle. Extra: What's the difference between Catholics and Lutherans? Catholics just acknowledge each other in the liquor aisle, Lutherans have a 15 minute conversation about booze.

What do Catholics and Baptists have in common?

Neither acknowledge their fellow church-goers at the liquor store.

Atrophy Jokes More Atrophy Jokes

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What did the man get for winning the muscle relaxing contest?

Atrophy!

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

When she got in front of the judge he asked, "first offender?

She replied, "No. First a Gibson, second a Fender."

What do you call the first Afghan off the boat?

Amhere. What do you call the second Afghan off the boat? Amhere Azwel. What do you call the third Afghan off the boat? Amhere Azwell Azhim. :)

Democratic Party Jokes More Democratic Party Jokes

What does John F. Kennedy have in common with the current Democratic Party?

No brains

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Good Place Jokes More Good Place Jokes

Where's the best place to hide during a zombie apocalypse?

Radio Shack. Not even the brain dead would go there.

Where's the best place to do a mannequin challenge?

In a morgue.