Dead Body Jokes

What is the best place to hide a dead body?

On the second page of google.

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What's the difference between a musician and a dead body?

One composes, the other decomposes...

What do you call a dead body and two planks?

A "Build your own Jesus" kit.

What prize did the dead body receive?

Atrophy

What's Alderaan's main export?

Dead bodies.

How many dead bodies do I have to leave on the porch before they acknowledge me?

Cats

How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?

I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.

What did Redditor Jesus say to Lazarus?

I see your dead body and raise you back to life (NSFL)

How do you find a dead body?

Download Pokemon GO.

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

What do you call a person who sleeps next to dead bodies at night?

Morgue Attendant

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Oh God Jokes More Oh God Jokes

What did Nicolas Cage say when his daughters grades came through?

Oh God, not the B's!

What did Bernie Sanders say when he found a dead body at a Democratic Party meeting to select candidates and decide policy?

Oh god, a caucus!" cuz he has a new england accent

Cat Jokes More Cat Jokes

What's the unluckiest kind of cat to have ?

A catastrophe !

What pets think about their owners?

A dog: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... He is God. A cat: He feeds me, takes care about me, gives me shelter... I am God.

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What did the teenage boy who was jerking off in his room say when his mother called?

One second mom, I'm coming!

What is Tigger's favorite day?

Leap Day, but Spring Forward is a close second.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

What did the blondes left leg say to her right?

Nothing... They've never met

How hard do you think Joe Biden laughs when a senate's bill gets 69 votes?

I bet he has to leave the room.

Hide Jokes More Hide Jokes

What is Brazil's favorite game right now?

Hide and go zika

How many Sandpeople does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

You never can tell. The Sandpeople always ride in single file to hide their numbers.

Alderaan Jokes More Alderaan Jokes

Why did Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia never get together?

Because Luke was looking for love in Alderaan places!!

Why can't Vader find a steady relationship?

He keeps looking for love in Alderaan places

People Jokes More People Jokes

Why do people smile in Africa?

So they won't run into each other in the dark.

Why aren't people afraid to submit reposts?

Because there's no karma involved.

Decide Jokes More Decide Jokes

Why "hooters"?

Who decided breasts looked like owls They were wrong.

Why did the architect take so long to get started on his church blueprints?

He couldn't decide what font to use.