Ex Girlfriend Jokes

How do you pick up my ex girlfriend?

With a broom and a dustpan.

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What's the difference between my ex girlfriend and ebola?

At least Ebola will finish me off

What's the worst place to run in to your ex girlfriend?

Auschwitz

What do silicon and my ex girlfriend have in common?

the resistance of both drop when doped.

What's the difference between an archeologist and an ex girlfriend?

The ancient stuff the archeologist digs up is useful.

What did the blue crab call his ex girlfriend?

Old Bay

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What do you call your ex-girlfriend from Baltimore?

Old Bae

What do you call your ex-girlfriend in Maryland?

Old bae.

Job Jokes More Job Jokes

What did Alex Trebek say when he was about to lose his job?

My career is in Jeopardy!"

Why was a missile looking for a job?

Because it got fired!

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

What famous painting do cows love to look at?

The Moona Lisa!

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

Drop Jokes More Drop Jokes

What does acid reflux and dubstep have in common?

They both get better when you drop the "base".

What do you get when you drop a few ears of corn into a pie?

You get a cobbler!

Beer Jokes More Beer Jokes

How does Craig Venter drink beer?

Shotgun method

What are 3 naked woman on a crate of beer?

In the way!

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a blimp and 365 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear, the other's an awesome year.

What's the difference between a man's balls and Jehovah's Witnesses?

There's none. They both knock on the door, but never goes in!

Dead Baby Jokes More Dead Baby Jokes

How did the dead baby get across the road?

Me: How Her: It was stapled to the chicken. Me: .....

What's the difference between a bag of dead babies and a mercedes?

I don't have a mercedes in my garage!

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

What should a teacher take if he's run down?

The number of the car that hit him.

What Would Justin Bieber Do?

scream like a little girl, grab nonexistent testicles & run away awkwardly.