Goldfish Jokes

What is the most expensive type of fish?

A goldfish! I am not sorry.

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What's the difference between a goldfish and a mountain goat?

Goldfish like to muck around the fountain.

What do you call a fish that's worth a lot of money?

A goldfish!

How did one goldfish get the attention of another goldfish?

He yelled, "A u, fish!"

What's ur emergency?

Goldfish: I forgot Goldfish 911: Forgot what Goldfish: WHO IS THIS Goldfish 911: I DON'T KNOW

Why are rabbits never gold?

How would you tell them apart from goldfish

What's the difference between a goldfish and a goat?

One mucks around in fountains.

What fish is the most valuable?

A goldfish.

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Why should you always invite Amish people to a party?

They know how to raise the roof.

How did you know I was a member of Al Qaida?

Was it my knees Do I have terrorist's knees Oh, the bomb. Not the knees then That's good.

Emergency Jokes More Emergency Jokes

Whats ur emergency?

OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- "-of my sons mouth."

Why do women and children evacuate first in an emergency?

So the men can go on Reddit and repost this joke.

Pocket Jokes More Pocket Jokes

What do you call a can of tuna in a lesbians back pocket?

DIP

Why does Mr Tayto carry a phone in his top pocket?

In case Johnny Onion Rings!

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math?

Carry the Juan

What is brown and gray has eight legs and is carrying a large trunk and a small trunk?

A Chihuahua on vacation with an elephant.

Attention Jokes More Attention Jokes

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

How can I draw attention to the fact this skirt is too long?

AHEM!

Yell Jokes More Yell Jokes

When a guy yells out, "Linda why didn't you give your mom any grandkids?

She yelled back, "Because I swallowed them all!"

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How do you tell the difference between Al Gore and the secret service when they're in the same room?

Al Gore's the stiff one.

What do you call a person with memory problems telling a joke?

To get to the other side.

Rabbit Jokes More Rabbit Jokes

What do rabbits put in their computers?

Hoppy disks!

What did the rabbit say to the deer?

What up doe