911 Jokes

What were the last things going through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their ankles

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Who are the fastest readers?

9/11 victims. They got through over 40 stories in seconds.

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How do you find a dirty cop?

Call 911, it doesn't matter who answers

What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

Why did 10 go missing?

Because 9/11.

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.

What's the difference between a cow and 9/11?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years

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What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Why did 0.81 recurring die?

Because he was 9/11.

Why are Republicans always so strung up about 9/11?

A: Elephants never forget.

Why was 10 traumatized?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11

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Whats the last thing to go through the heads of the 9/11 jumpers?

Their knees

Where did Sally go during 9/11?

Everywhere

What happened to the the Pentagon after the plane crash in 9/11?

It turned into a hexagon.

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

9/11

When is Independence Day 2 coming out?

9/11

How many questions did the politician answer?

9/11

Who's There?.........9/11.....9/11 Who?

I thought you said you'd never forget...."

What's your emergency?

Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

What did the chinese guy say to the mongoose?

Bing fwong dong 9/11

Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11?

Americans cant milk a cow for 14 years.

Who's there? 9/11. 9/11 Who?

YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!!!!

How often does jet fuel melt steel beams?

9/11

How much steel can a dank meme melt if a dank meme melts steel beams?

9/11 beams

What can conspiracy theorists never explain?

They say that 9/11 was an inside job... but planes fly OUTSIDE. Can't explain that

What's the difference between a cow, and 9/11?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years.

What is something that you never forget on a field trip?

9/11.

What's the difference between 9/11 and your birth?

One was planned.

What's the difference between the 9/11 attack and a dairy cow?

You stop milking the cow after ten years.

What should have tipped off the airline ticket sellers on 9/11?

When the terrorists asked for anything cheaper than one-way.

What's your emergency Possum: MY CHILDREN ARE ALL DEAD! Possum 911: You sure they aren't just playing?

Possum: Oh yeah

What's the difference between Polio and 9/11?

The government actually wanted to stop Polio.

How was 9/11 an inside job?

If the planes came from the outside.

What's the difference between 9/11 and a dead cow?

You can't keep milking the dead cow for 13 years

Why was 10 afraid?

Because it was in the middle of 9/11

How many years before we forget if 9/11 was in '00 or '01?

15 or 16

What's the same with 9/11 and Goliath and the giant?

They were both caused by a message from god.

What does 9/11 and owning CP have in common?

The government will watch you for the next 15+ years

What was the first thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 victims?

Their knees! Please comment "No"

Why didn't the blond call 911?

She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad.

Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

Whats ur emergency?

OMG my neighbours cat is stuck on the roof-" 911: Ma'am, this is an emergency only service- "-of my sons mouth."

What would have happened if asians had committed the attacks of 9/11?

10/11 with rice, thanks for your suggestion

Why didn't the conspiracy theorist make his irreverently named pet sleep outside?

Because 9/11 was an inside dog.

What happened to the number 10?

It got stuck in 9/11

What do I do?

Someone else yells "Call 911!" The blonde yells back "What's the number "

How is learning to ride a bicycle and 9/11 alike?

Because you never forget!

What is the difference between 9/11 and landscaping?

Landscaping is an outside job.

What is your emergency?

Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.

Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

What's ur emergency?

Goldfish: I forgot Goldfish 911: Forgot what Goldfish: WHO IS THIS Goldfish 911: I DON'T KNOW

What's the difference between a cow and 911?

You stop milking a cow after 14 years..

What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 10 years.

Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash?

He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado

What is the difference between a goat and 9/11?

You cannot milk a goat for 13 years

What's your favorite tasteless 9-11 joke?

Here's mine. Knock knock. Who's there 911. 911 who You said you'd never forget

What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't?

No! 911: Placing you in protective custody.

What does 9/11 and cancer have in common?

They were both inside Jobs

What's worse than 9/11?

311 Credit goes to my friend Max.

Why are 9/11 jokes never funny?

Because they always fly over everyone's head.

Why were the people in the Twin Towers disappointed on 9/11?

They ordered 2 pepperoni pizzas, but all they got were 2 large plains.

Who's rhere?

9/11. 9/11 Who You said you would never forget.

How do you prevent 9/11?

Make it a Malaysian airlines flight.

What's your emergency, sir?

Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

Why were the people in the World Trade Center mad on 9/11 ?

Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and all they got was plane.

What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it?

DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME

How would you rate USA and Saudi Arabia's relationship?

9/11

What's the difference between PirateBay and 9/11?

One is piracy and the other is CONSpiracy

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What's your favorite tasteless 9-11 joke?

Here's mine. Knock knock. Who's there 911. 911 who You said you'd never forget

Why was 10 scared?

because he was in the middle of 9-11! Better phrasing recommendations appreciated :-)

Knock Knock Jokes More Knock Knock Jokes

Why cant billy ride the swings?

he has no arms. knock knock. Whos there Not billy

Why couldn't Sally use the swings?

She had no arms Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally. What did Sally get for her Birthday? We don't know, she didn't open it yet.

Pardon Jokes More Pardon Jokes

Why did you cut off your ear?

Van Gogh: pardon

What did the turkey say when he accidentally bumped into the president?

Pardon me.

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

Who is this Rorschach guy?

And why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?

Why did helium get into a fight with neon?

They can't bond with each other, no matter how hard they try.

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

Why did the guy at the trainyard get struck by lightning?

He was an excellent conductor

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs at your front door?

Matt

Ocean Jokes More Ocean Jokes

What do you call a Quadriplegic in the ocean?

Bob. *I'm so sorry*

What makes fish smell?

One fine morning in Eden, God was looking for Eve, but couldn't find them. God saw Adam and asked where Eve was? Adam replied, "She's down at the Ocean, taking a bath." "Damn," says God, "now all the fish will smell."

50 Story Jokes More 50 Story Jokes

Who are the world's fastest readers?

The 911 victims. They went through 50 stories in a minute. I'm so sorry

Who are some of the best readers in the world?

World Trade Center workers, some of them can read 50 stories in just 8 seconds!

Answer Jokes More Answer Jokes

What is buoyancy?

Alex: I'm sorry. The answer we were looking for is, Whatever.

What river separates China and India?

Answer: the Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)