Attention Jokes

Why do Canadians not pay attention to their local wildlife?

Because there's nothing to care-aboot. (caribou)

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Why wasn't the astronaut paying attention?

Because he was spaced out.

Why won't the Alzheimer's patient pay attention to you?

Because he doesn't know the time of day.

What happens when you throw a black rock into the Red Sea?

I originally thought that the black rock gets wet, but it was brought to my attention that the Red Sea is in the middle east, so it prob'ly starts a holy war!

Why did the farmer's wife got angry at him for paying too much attention to his equipment?

He kept looking at his hoes.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

What do you say to get the attention of a gold bar?

AU"

Why did the feminist sign up for football?

She wanted to be the center of attention.

How did one goldfish get the attention of another goldfish?

He yelled, "A u, fish!"

Why do people want attention of 1000 pies?

because it's their sen-pais

How did one tire get the attention of another tire?

pssssssssssst

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What do you get when you cross an attention whore with an attention horse?

The centaur of attention.

This joke may have profanity.

What did the flight attendant say to get the attention of the plane full of Kim Basinger clones?

Attention Basingers" hahaha

What did carbon yell at gold while trying to get his attention?

A! U!!! If it doesn't make sense tell it so someone out loud. Pretty sure this is my first original joke :)

What is it about half men - half horses?

They always have to be centaur of attention.

How can I draw attention to the fact this skirt is too long?

AHEM!

Why were the treefrog's stories always so attention grabbing?

Because he was absolutely ribbeting!

What do you call a hump-backed cow that always wants to be the center of attention?

A drama-dairy.

What did King Midas say to get peoples attention?

Eh you!!

Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy &amp z hate hanging out with the letter n?

Because n always has to be the center of attention.

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Javelin Jokes More Javelin Jokes

How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

What's black & white and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a javelin through her neck.

Blindfold Jokes More Blindfold Jokes

How do you blindfold an Asian person?

You put floss over his eyes.

What is the cheapest way to blindfold an Asian?

Dental floss.

National Anthem Jokes More National Anthem Jokes

Why does everyone hate 7?

Because 7 kneeled during the National Anthem.

What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common?

Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.

Bagpipe Jokes More Bagpipe Jokes

Who knocks on doors at three in the morning?

It's so inconsiderate! Good thing I was still up playing my bagpipes.

What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?

A start.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What do you call something that's impossible due to physics?

Physics-ly impossible. There's your dad joke for the day.

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?

It's Christmas, Eve!

Bring Jokes More Bring Jokes

Why does Luigi bring an extra pair of overalls when he golfs?

In case he gets a hole-in-one

What did the Gorilla do with the apple he was holding in his hands?

He brought it to school and said 'An Ape-lle for the teacher!'

Throw Jokes More Throw Jokes

Why did Wile E. Coyote have a "Detour" sign pointing to the edge of a cliff?

To throw the Roadrunner off.

Why did the blonde girl get fired from the M&ampM factory?

She kept throwing away all the W's.

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

How do you know when your girlfriend is putting on too much weight?

She starts fitting into your wife's clothes.

What did two twins name a towing company started in lower Manhattan?

The Twin Towers.