Machine Gun Jokes

What do you call a man holding a machine gun?

Sir

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What do you get when you cross a vulture with a machine gun?

As far away as possible. shameful

How does a religious extremist convert an atheist into a holy man?

They use a machine gun.

What lives in a tree and is dangerous?

A crow with a machine gun.

What's black and dangerous and lives in a tree?

A: A gorilla with a machine gun.

What do you call a penguin with a machine gun?

Sir. Groan worthy penguin jokes(https://allwrong.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/penguin-riddles/)

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Use Jokes More Use Jokes

What military rank do you hold while using a pay toilet?

Lieutenant

How do you contact dead window cleaners?

Use a squeegee board.

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How many Meth-Heads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to hold the lightbulb and Two to smoke till the room spins!

What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it?

DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

What did you hear about the man who fell into the upholstery machine...?

I heard that he was fully re-covered.

What if a man existed w/one hand that's a steak and the other is lobster plus unlimited salad bar?

This is the plot of Edward Sizzlerhands

Atheist Jokes More Atheist Jokes

Why aren't any atheists buying a PS4 Pro?

They don't believe in higher power.

Why can't atheist solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why is Santa Clause always so Jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

What do you call an eye doctor living on an island in Alaska?

An optical Aleutian.

Riddle Jokes More Riddle Jokes

What do you call a penguin with a machine gun?

Sir. Groan worthy penguin jokes(https://allwrong.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/penguin-riddles/)

Why couldn't the cut down tree answer a riddle?

It was stumped.

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What do you get when you cross a stock broker, a detective, and an alligator?

An investigator.

Why did the chickens cross the road?

Because they were Turkish.

Vulture Jokes More Vulture Jokes

Why did the vulture have to check some luggage at the gate?

It was only allowed one piece of carrion.

Why'd the vulture check his bag?

The airline didn't allow carrion luggage.