Penguin Jokes

What do you call a cross between a penguin and a cow?

Pregnant

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What's a Penguins favorite type of pasta?

Penguini

How does a penguin make a decision?

Flipper coin. Again, I shall take my leave.

Why can a penguin never win Best Actor?

Because it is part black.

What do penguins do in a race?

They peng-win

How does a penguin keep itself hydrated?

His waddle bottle.

Why didn't the penguin close on his mortgage?

He had cold feet.

Why didn't the penguin jump off the iceberg?

Because he got cold feet.

Who's the only living relative of penguin?

His Aunt Arctica

What is more funny than a penguin sliding down a hill?

The penguin who pushed him!

Why do penguins never go to England?

Because they're afraid of Wales!

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What do you call a gang of penguins?

A ganguin

Why are there no penguins in Britain?

They're scared of Wales.

What do you call a penguin that can't win?

A peng-lose!

Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth?

Because he had a javelin through his head.

What did the penguin say to the polar bear?

Nothing, penguins live in the south pole and polar bears live in the north pole. TROLOLOLOL

Why don't penguins ever get married?

They always get cold feet! I'll show myself out.

Why so angry, you cute little fella?

The penguin looks up to him and says "flight's delayed."

What's the difference between a loaf of bread and a penguin?

I don't know what " "We're sure not sending you to the store!"

What's your enemy called?

Dr Doom. Yours " "Joker" stifles laughter "I HAVE OTHERS" "Ye-" "Penguin" just loses it

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What do you get if you cross a giant hairy monster with a penguin?

I don't know but it's a very tightfitting tuxedo.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

A Penguin rolling down a hill What's black and white and laughing The penguin who pushed him

Why don't elephants like penguins?

Because they can't get the wrapper off.

What makes you so sure?

n"He is a penguin."

Why don't you see penguins in Britain?

Because they're afraid of Wales

Why can't penguins fly?

They're too short to reach the controls of the plane.

What is Antarctica's version of tinder called?

Pick up a penguin

What performance enhancing drugs do penguins use?

Polaroids

Why are penguins so shy?

They always get cold feet.

How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

Why are penguins socially awkward?

Because they can't break the ice.

What do you call a 30 foot purple dinosaur named Fred who has acne and is scared of penguins?

Fred.

Who do penguins celebrate Hanukkah with?

The Icebergs

What do you get when you cross human DNA with a penguin?

A life time ban at the zoo

What do you call a penguin in the desert?

Lost.

What bird can write underwater?

A ball-point Penguin!

What do you call a penguin with a smoking problem?

It's a puffin!

What do you call a penguin with a machine gun?

Sir. Groan worthy penguin jokes(https://allwrong.wordpress.com/2007/10/05/penguin-riddles/)

What do you call an Penguin with dandruff?

Frosted Flakes

What's a penguins favourite relative?

Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME makes flies over head motion PENGUIN I don't know what that means

Why was the penguin banned from the Winter Olympics?

He was caught taking Polaroids.

How does a penguin build it’s house?

Igloos it together.

You might also enjoy:

Hill Jokes More Hill Jokes

Whats Harry Potters favourite way of getting down a hill?

walking. JK ROLLING

How do you make a Swiss Roll?

Push him down a hill. BONUS: How do you make French Wine? Invade.

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

Why is flatulence more satisfying after a long struggle to push it out?

Because you know you made a real ef-**fart**

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None, he fell.

Laugh Jokes More Laugh Jokes

What did they sew you up with?

My Dad laughing so hard - as he said "That's not funny!" Cat Gut

What goes "Hahahahaha...*thud*"?

Someone laughing their head off

Aunt Arctica Jokes More Aunt Arctica Jokes

Who's the only living relative of penguin?

His Aunt Arctica

What's a penguins favourite relative?

Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME makes flies over head motion PENGUIN I don't know what that means

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

Why was the ink happy?

Because it had its in-de-pen-dance. I'm posting lots of really bad jokes tonight that just appear in my head, if just one person enjoys just one joke is worth it, good evening.

How do you castrate a priest?

Kick the altar boy in the back off the head

Groan Jokes More Groan Jokes

What's long and hard and makes women groan?

An ironing board.

What do you call a complaining adult?

A groan up!

Wale Jokes More Wale Jokes

Why is it so hard to pronounce words in Welsh?

It is the language of Wales.

What's the difference between a tennis ball and the prince of Wales?

One is heir to the throne and the other is thrown into the air.

Gang Jokes More Gang Jokes

What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang?

Gangs don't have to pay for friends.

What's the first thing you do when attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go straight for the juggler.