Whistleblower Jokes

Why couldn't the whistleblower pick up his dry-cleaning?

Because he was Snowden! (Snowed in)

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What do you call a whistleblower stuck in a blizzard?

Snowd-en

Why do we feel like whistleblowers right now?

Because we're Snowedin.

What did the whistleblower say after the blizzard in Russia?

I'm Snowden!

Why was it easier for the whistleblower to leave American soil earlier in the year?

It didn't Snowden.

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his driveway?

Because he was snowed in.

Why was the whistleblower late for his annual winter whistleblower's convention?

Because he was Snowden!

Why couldn't the whistleblower leave his house?

Because he was Snowden

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Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake ?

Someone else's !

Why couldn't the band director pick a piece in 4/4 time?

It's too common

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Why did the American spend an entire winter in a Russian hotel?

They say he was snowed in.

Why don't native Americans like snow?

We don't like anything white on our land.

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Why couldn't Edward leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

Why was Edward stuck at the Russian airport?

Because he was Snowden.

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How many Cancerians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. But it takes a therapist three years to help them through the grief process.

Where do you see yourself in three years?

Me: Sorry, I don't have 2020 vision

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What's the worst vegetable to have on a boat?

A leek.

What is Bear Grylls' favourite vegetable?

Leek.

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Why couldn't the NSA whistleblower leave Moscow?

He got snowed in.

Why didn't Russia return the NSA whistleblower to the United States?

He was Snowden.

House Jokes More House Jokes

Why do vampire's use linux?

Because they don't like windows in their house. BaDumTss

What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend?

A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!

Moscow Jokes More Moscow Jokes

What is the most popular style in Moscow salons?

A brushin.

Why did the flight from Warsaw to Moscow crash?

There were Poles on the right half of the plane.