Bacteria Jokes

What do you call bacteria that can swim fast?

Micro Phelps.

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What's the difference between bacteria and rednecks?

When looking at bacteria you can actually find some culture.

Which country has the most number of bacteria, viruses, fungus and other micro-organisms?

GerMany

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

Why Can't you see the bacteria in milk?

Because it gets past-your-eyes (pasteurized)

Where do bacteria go when they die?

St. Petri Dish.

Where do bacteria like to vacation?

Germany

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

Why do bacteria congregate in public places?

It's a part of their culture.

Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide

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Where do the bacteria gangsters hang out?

On the Yeast Side.

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What do you call a mouthwash for tiny scientists?

Microscope

What did justin beiber say to his mom?

I FOUND MY MICROSCOPE, now all I need is my lotion and tweezers

Chipotle Jokes More Chipotle Jokes

What do they call Chipotle in Canada?

Chipotl-eh

What do I look for in a girl?

Well she has to be hot. And well-rounded. And cheesy. Extra guac. Wait, wrong list, this is my Chipotle order.

Find Jokes More Find Jokes

What's worse than finding a horse's head on your pillow?

A: Realising the horse is alive and well and how much did I drink last night !

What did the blonde's dentist find?

A: Teeth in the cavity.

Redneck Jokes More Redneck Jokes

What is the only word that a redneck will capitalise?

Punishment.

What does a redneck and yeast have in common?

They are both "in-bread" Downvote me to hell if you want. This is my only joke.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why are women so afraid of looking stupid?

Because they don't want the world to know!

What do you call 'looking for a Korean'?

Seoul searching

Stay Jokes More Stay Jokes

What do you get when you cross an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

How do you get a kid to stay low to the ground?

DUCK!" How do you get a kid up and running "GOOSE!"

Swim Jokes More Swim Jokes

Why did the fish swim off of the waterfall?

For the Halibut.

What do you call Dracula when he goes swimming?

Aqua-Vlad

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What did the group of unborn babies say when they were hungry?

Fetus.

What do you call a group of Spanish-speaking moms who band together to protect their neighborhood?

Super Barrio Mothers