Borrow Jokes

What did the English teacher write when she needed to borrow money?

An AE I.O.U. P.S. Im proud of this one :3

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What's the one movie that Rick Astley won't let you borrow?

He's never gonna give you Up.

What Pixar movie will Rick Astley never let you borrow?

He's never gonna give you Up! Credit to my friend who doesn't even Reddit.

What do you call it when a bison borrows money from you?

A buffa

What did Larry McMurtry say when his neighbor asked to borrow a bar of soap?

He said "Sure! I could loan some Dove".

What did the man in the wheelchair say when he returned the hat he borrowed?

Thanks for the handy cap.

Why is there a broom in the driveway?

me: So your mom doesn't have to borrow the car

What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?

A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.

What's the one movie Rick won't ever let you borrow?

He won't ever give you *Up*. No I'll show myself out . . .

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

How did OJ respond when his son asked to borrow the car?

gtOnly if you go aks your mother.

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Why is someone who borrows money but does not pay it all back like a football player?

Because sometimes he gives you a quarter back and sometimes a half back.

What's it called when you borrow cheese from a friend?

taking out a provoloan

What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know. Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

What happened after the man borrowed a sad movie from his friend?

He lost it.

What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini?

You don't let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.

Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic?

The bear hug!

What should you do if a vampire borrows your comic?

Wait for him to give it back.

What's the worst part of locking your keys in the car by the abortion clinic?

Having to go inside and ask to borrow a coat hanger

This joke may have profanity.

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What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

What did the Japanese soda say to Papa John after he crashed his car?

I'm really sodie pop.

Bagpipe Jokes More Bagpipe Jokes

What do you call ten sets of bagpipes at the bottom of the sea?

A start.

How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?

A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.

Owner Neighbor Jokes More Owner Neighbor Jokes

What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe?

A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it.

What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?

A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors don't mind if you don't return the sax when you borrow it.

Soap Jokes More Soap Jokes

What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?

One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here

What happened to the boy-band member who dropped the soap In the prison shower?

Let's just say that his backstreet went more than one direction.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?

A: Even then men wouldn't ask for directions!

Why did the archaeologist ask a diamond out to dinner?

Because of his enthusiasm for Carbon-Dating.

Loan Jokes More Loan Jokes

Why can't student loan get a girlfriend?

Because he is forever a loan.

How do ducks pay off loans?

With their bills!

Wheelchair Jokes More Wheelchair Jokes

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

What do you call a none in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile I'm not sorry (PS, if this is a repost, I'm sorry that I didn't see the first time it got posted 2 years ago. Please don't accuse me of reposting)

Mother Jokes More Mother Jokes

When punching a toddler, how hard is too hard?

Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-nile