Dead Bird Jokes

What does have eyes but can't see, has legs but can't walk, and has wings but can't fly?

A dead bird.

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What has two eyes but can't see, two wings but can't fly, and two legs but can't walk?

A dead bird.

What do you call a dead bird that was suicidal?

A Robin Williams.

What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak?

A dead bird

What did u do last night?

Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows Me covering tub of dead birds: is that the saying

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Tub Jokes More Tub Jokes

What's the difference between America and a tub of yogurt?

After 200 years the yogurt would have developed some kind of culture.

What did u do last night?

Me: I drowned my swallows in whiskey Don't u mean sorrows Me covering tub of dead birds: is that the saying

Night Jokes More Night Jokes

What did the mermaid do last Saturday night?

She went out with the tide.

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb?

I have made a grave mistake.

What's the problem when your wife walks out of the kitchen?

The chain is too long.

Mouth Jokes More Mouth Jokes

Why does Oedipus hate profanity?

He kisses his mother with that mouth.

Why do you want to work here?

ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Why did the kittens turn atheist?

Coz their eyes opened.

What do you call a three-legged donkey?

A wonkey. What do you call a three-legged donkey with one eye? A winky-wonkey.

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

What's brown and furry on the outside, soft moist and tastes good on the inside, begins with "C" and ends with "T", and has a "U" and an "N" in it?

A coconut.

What did carbon yell at gold while trying to get his attention?

A! U!!! If it doesn't make sense tell it so someone out loud. Pretty sure this is my first original joke :)

Swallow Jokes More Swallow Jokes

Why was the lions stomach enormous?

Because he finally swallowed his pride

Why did the nun swallow a needle?

So she could know what it's like to have a prick inside her.

Cover Jokes More Cover Jokes

Why was the Chinese Journey cover band a failure?

Their only hit was Don't Stop Bereaving.

What's black, covered in teeth marks and no longer in use?

Philip Seymour Hoffman's belt.