English Jokes

Where is the English Channel ?

Pupil: I don't know my TV doesn't pick it up

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
5.0

Coffee Mug

What does King Kong and a black person have in common?

neither of them can't speak english and are unemployed.

Why do the English always carry umbrellas?

Because umbrellas can't walk

Which word is the longest in the English language?

Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

What's the most 'Spoken' language on Earth?

Hint: It's not English Spanish.

What do a cab driver and a cue ball have in common?

The harder you hit them ...the more english you get out.

Why do the English drink warm beer?

Lucas refrigerators.

You might also enjoy:

Tea Jokes More Tea Jokes

What kind of tea do you pay an arm and a leg for?

Amputee

What's the difference between England and a cup of tea?

The teabag stays in the cup longer.

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

How do you want me to label this stone armchair?

He said, "No man, clay chair."

Why did the pirate put springs on his treasure chest?

He wanted to see that booty bounce.

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

How much did Adidas spend in advertising at the World Cup this year?

At least a brazillion dollars...

What do you call an Irishman who sits on the porch all year round?

Patty O'Furnature

Draft Jokes More Draft Jokes

Why did the beer get bottled?

He was trying to dodge the draft.

What does one call an undertaker that's been drafted into the Military?

A Corpseman. Painfully obvious, yet a terrible play on the English language, I know. It was something I came up with a few years ago, for some unknown reason.

Sicilian Jokes More Sicilian Jokes

What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...

How many people live in the lower part of Italy?

There are literally Sicilians.

Elevator Jokes More Elevator Jokes

What is the difference between a Black Guy and an elevator ?

One can raise a child

What do men dream of?

Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

English Language Jokes More English Language Jokes

What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?

A: "Nobody's perfect!"

Which came first. . . social media or dumb people?

AND which is worse. . . the overdoing of selfies OR not knowing how to use the English language

Mean Jokes More Mean Jokes

What's the difference between Ireland and America?

When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.

What do you mean I can't drink alcohol with this medication?

You're not a bartender! You're just a pharmacist.