Mash Potato Jokes

Why did the chicken give the cat his mashed potatoes?

To get to the other side.

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What do you call a wrecked Irishman?

A mashed potato.

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?

If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.

What's white, lumpy, and extremely dangerous?

Shark infested mashed potatoes.

What did the potato ask the cow?

Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes.

Why did the farmer use a steam roller?

He wanted to grow mashed potatoes.

Why did the farmer run through his fields with a steamroller?

Because he wanted mashed potatoes!!!!

Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden?

We're raising mashed potatoes.

What's the difference between pea soup and mashed potatoes?

Anyone can mash potatoes

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What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?

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What'll it be, love?

The woman replies, "I'll take a double entendre." So he gave it to her.

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What do books wear on a rainy day?

Rain Quotes

What kind of overalls does Mario wear?

Denim, denim, denim.

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What do I get when I raise up a platform to play Mozart?

Amadeus on my dais.

What does a push up bra and a dictatorship have in common?

They both oppress those on the inside. They both lie to those on the outside. And they both raise monuments to the fallen.

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What did the Irish man and the mongol woman name their child?

Lepre Kahn

What do you call an Irish man who lives in your back garden?

Patti O'Furniture

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Why was Mexico willing to pay to build the wall between the US and Mexico?

So the can finally have a good Olympic team.

What did the fish say when it crashed into a wall?

Damn! (This is my go-to joke that someone told me in highschool like 7 years ago. Felt like sharing it.)

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How do cannibals pick up women?

With a fork

What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?

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What is the big difference between chopped pork and pea soup?

Everybody can chop pork but nobody can pea soup.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pea soup.

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What's the difference between Nine-Eleven and a cow?

You can't milk a cow for 14 years straight. Be gentle... it's my cake day :-)

What's the difference between a bull and a cow?

A bull smiles when you milk it.