Mash Potato Jokes

Why did the chicken give the cat his mashed potatoes?

To get to the other side.

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What do you call a wrecked Irishman?

A mashed potato.

What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

You can mash potatoes, but you can't pee soup. (sorry sorry. Really. I've loved this joke since I was... oh.. six...)

How are mashed potatoes similar to an online college degree?

If it ends up on your wall, you're probably retarded.

What's white, lumpy, and extremely dangerous?

Shark infested mashed potatoes.

What did the potato ask the cow?

Give me some milk, and we can make mashed potatoes.

Why did the farmer use a steam roller?

He wanted to grow mashed potatoes.

Why did the farmer run through his fields with a steamroller?

Because he wanted mashed potatoes!!!!

Why is your dad chasing those pigs through the garden?

We're raising mashed potatoes.

What's the difference between pea soup and mashed potatoes?

Anyone can mash potatoes

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What's left of a garden after it catches on fire?

Chard remains.

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Me mumbling: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.

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Pick a cod, any cod!

What is the past tense of 'think'?

So I thought and thought and thought and eventually I picked 'thinked'.

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How did Tiger Woods get the name Tiger?

His mom is Thai and his dad is.......

Why is the food so cold and bland?

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How did you find the steak, sir?

The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

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Potato dribbles one defender. Potato dribbles another defender. Potato is one on one with the goalkeeper. What does Potato do? Potato Chips

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What is a mortician's favorite side dish?

Gravy

How do you keep your Thanksgiving guests from falling asleep on your couch?

Infuse the gravy with cocaine.

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What does AF mean?

After Flossing. Now go brush your teeth and they will be clean AF. Why do you ask 10: Mom said you were lazy AF.

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What are you wearing?

ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy.

Why do ducks nod their head when they walk?

They're listening to duckstep!