Statement Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

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Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What mom loves... Son: Mom, why is my cousin's name rose?

Mom: Well son, your aunt really loves flowers! Son: Mom, what do you love Mom: Richard, stop asking so many questions!

How many wiseguys does it take to change a lightbulb?

Who's asking

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What did Santa say when he had to travel through the desert?

My chestnuts are roasting"

Why is Santa always so jolly?

Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. You've probably heard this one before. But it's Christmas tomorrow so what the hell.

Bruce Lee Jokes More Bruce Lee Jokes

What was Bruce Lee's favorite hotel?

HYATT!!!

Why is Bruce Lee so good at telling jokes?

Because if his punch line doesn't work, you still get a kick out of it.

Environmental Impact Statement Jokes More Environmental Impact Statement Jokes

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.

Chav Jokes More Chav Jokes

What do you say to a chav that has got a job?

Bigmac and fries please

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

Farmer Jokes More Farmer Jokes

Why did the farmer feed his cows money?

A: He wanted rich milk.

Why did they not allow farmers in Greece?

They got tired of all the minotaurs.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a garbanzo pea and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo pea on my face.

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain