Statement Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

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Meme Jokes More Meme Jokes

What do you call a collection of memes?

A memeoir.

Why did Billy not care who he offended while posting on the internet?

Because the ends justify the memes

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What happened to Lady Godiva's horse when he saw she had no clothes on?

It made him shy!

What happens when the Batman sees Catwoman?

The Dark Knight Rises.

Press Jokes More Press Jokes

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What do you call Santa's wife?

Mrs Claus. I'll see myself out.

Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed?

because Santa came early! I'll let myself out.

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

How much do dead batteries cost?

Nothing. They are free of charge!

What do you call an alligator from India whose in charge of telling everyone what to do?

A Deli-gator...I'll be here all week!

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

What did Neil Armstrong do after walking on the moon before Buzz Aldrin did?

gize.

How can you tell the difference between a catholic, a baptist, and a Methodist?

A baptist will run into a liquor store, buy their alcohol and run out. A Methodist will walk into a liquor store and say high to everyone, then buy their alcohol and walk out. A catholic will show up to the store completely hammered, hug everyone, get their alcohol and stumble their way out of the store.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What will Ryan Lochte say if he looses "Dancing With the Stars"?

I was robbed" Sorry, that just came to me like a stroke of idiotic genius and I couldn't help myself.

Why people cry during the weddings?

they are preparing for whats coming afterwards

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb?

To get to the other side!

How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."