Beard Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Who can shave 25 times in one day, and still have a beard?

A barber!

What do you call a man without a beard?

A woman.

How do philosophers shave off their beards?

Occam's razor

Why don't girls have beards?

It's in their "jeans" ;)

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

What's the difference between Bigfoot and a Mexican with a beard?

Bigfoot is occasionally sighted

What do you call a ceramicist with a beard?

A Harry Potter

Why do you need 200 condoms?

Me: I have a beard and an accent. *winks* *Spends night making balloon animals

What's the difference between extremist and /r/thedonald?

At least one group can grow a beard.

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Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A: A barber.

What did one leg say to the other?

Shorty's growin a beard.

Who can shave 30 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

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Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?

Looks like rein dear"

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

How do you feel about the upcoming Tour de France?

I'm gonna give 110%

Where does a cow go when he is so upset he doesn't feel like talking?

A moo'd specialist.

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What did the teenage boy who was jerking off in his room say when his mother called?

One second mom, I'm coming!

Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America?

On their feet!

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?

With Santa it is only three hoes and he's done.

What do Santa's little helpers learn in school?

The Elfabet!

Philosopher Jokes More Philosopher Jokes

What do you call the man with a lisp who drowned?

A philosopher. Cuz he's a deep thinker.

How many philosophers does it take to... ...change a light bulb?

Define "light bulb".

Red Beard Jokes More Red Beard Jokes

What do you call someone with brown hair and a red beard?

Chin"ger

What happened when Red-Beard's ship and Blue-Beard's ship crashed into each other?

They were MAROONED!

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why do Tajikistani people wear trucker hats?

Cuz they're from Douche-anbe!

Why is a dog so warm in Summer?

He wears a coat and pants.

Shave Jokes More Shave Jokes

What do logicians use to shave?

Occam's razor

Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs?

So that you can tell them apart from feminists