Mrs. Claus Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed?

because Santa came early! I'll let myself out.

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

What does Mrs Claus say to Santa when he's not spending enough time with her?

You're getting too wrapped up in your work!

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?

Looks like rein dear"

What do you call Santa's wife?

Mrs Claus. I'll see myself out.

What does Santa call it when Mrs. Claus gives him road head?

Getting sleighed.

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Let Jokes More Let Jokes

Which street does the police officer live in?

Let's be Avenue

Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning?

Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !

Police Jokes More Police Jokes

What did Lochte say after his teammates told the police what really happened?

and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medaling kids!"

Why didn't you report your stolen credit card?

Man: The thief was spending less than my wife. Police: Then why are you reporting it now Man: I think now the thief's wife has started using it!

Charge Jokes More Charge Jokes

Why was the horse all charged up?

It ate some haywire!

How many Apple employees does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I don't know, because they charge you $500 for the iLightbulb.

Rain Jokes More Rain Jokes

Why did the cloud get $10M for having a fight?

He was the raining champion.

What does Barbie say when the drought finally ends?

It's raining Ken, hallelujah....

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What would santa be if he was a farmer?

A jolly rancher.

What did the racist ask Santa for?

A white Christmas.

Spend Jokes More Spend Jokes

What's the difference between a golf ball and a G spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Why did the fire fighter call off work to spend time with his friend?

Because...bros before hose!

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.

December 21st Jokes More December 21st Jokes

What Johnny Mercer song does December 21st remind you of?

Autumn Leaves.

Why was Mrs. Clause's stocking full on December 21st?

Because Santa came early this year.