Press Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

What happened to when the coke bottle was ran over by the steam roller?

He was soda pressed.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

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Habit Jokes More Habit Jokes

Why did the nun always go to the same bar?

Habit

What's the best way to kick a habit today (day after Thanksgiving)?

Cold turkey.

Replace Jokes More Replace Jokes

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

How many mexicans does it take to replace a lightbulb?

Juan.

Monastery Jokes More Monastery Jokes

Why don't Buddhists vacuum in the corners of the monastery?

Because they have no attachments.

What did the Gregorian monk say when he was kicked out of the monastery?

Give me one more chants!

Decline Jokes More Decline Jokes

Why did Steve Jobs decline chemotherapy?

Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Why does Kylo Ren decline all my raid invites in WoW?

Cause he been solo.

Chinese Jokes More Chinese Jokes

What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo?

An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.

What's a Chinese dentist's favorite time?

Tooth Hurty

Mrs. Claus Jokes More Mrs. Claus Jokes

What is Santa saying to Mrs. Claus right now?

I told you it would rain, dear.

Why is Mrs. Claus disappointed?

because Santa came early! I'll let myself out.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why did the religious person give up smoking?

Because God hates fags.

Why did the SJW hate the Mexican robot?

Because it was Pablo-matic

Chinese Man Jokes More Chinese Man Jokes

How many Chinese men does it take to make a Smartphone?

I dunno, ask the Kids.

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg shorter than the other?

Li Ning