Press Jokes

What happened when Santa cut his beard?

The police came and took statements but ultimately Mrs. Claus declined to press charges. OC

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Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing

Why can't the hydraulic press guy bring himself to crush a can of sprite?

Because it's soda pressing

Why didn't the weightlifter like doing chest exercises with Coke cans?

Because it was soda pressing.

What happened to when the coke bottle was ran over by the steam roller?

He was soda pressed.

Why did the soda can quit its job at the vending machine?

It was soda pressing.

Why'd the factory worker hate their job?

Because it was soda pressing.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

Why does pushing my finger against a bottle of Pepsi make me sad?

Because it's soda pressing.

How do you know when there's a elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is pressed against the ceiling.

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Crush Jokes More Crush Jokes

What do you call a soda in love?

A Crush

How do you get over a crush you've had since high school?

Leave the dungeon door unlocked.

Coffee Jokes More Coffee Jokes

Why does coffee take so long to make in a purcolator?

Because it's not called a purconow.

What do you call coffee on the floor?

Ground Coffee.

Chinese Man Jokes More Chinese Man Jokes

Why did a chinese man ride a bike to the brothel?

To get laid.

What do you call a Chinese man with a bad sense of direction?

Wong Wei

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What is the best way to cut a mango?

With a knife!

How do you cut pizza?

With Little Ceasar's.

Barista Jokes More Barista Jokes

What do you call a race run by baristas?

A **decaf**alon

What do a coffee shop and a Japanese castle siege have in common?

Baristas

Oc Jokes More Oc Jokes

How do you keep your dog young for longer?

Terrible OC Keep them stored in some quality... pupperware!

How many redditors it takes to change a lightbulb?

OC It only takes 1. But another 999 to repost this 100% original joke. I made this.

French Press Jokes More French Press Jokes

Why do Jihadist Muslims drink only instant coffee?

Because they completely hate the French press. (Reposted)

What kind of coffee do the Islamists hate the most ?

French press

Statement Jokes More Statement Jokes

Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

What's the difference between sarcasm and a serious statement?

What're you asking me for I have Asperger's.