Replace Jokes

What is atheism?

A non-prophet religion Edit: Replace the word "religion" with "set of beliefs" if you're picky about that sort of thing

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why was the mechanic sad he had to replace a wheel bearing?

It was da-press-in.

What happened to the guy who replaced his laxatives with Prozac?

He didn't give a sh...

What did the bird say when he flew over K-Mart?

Caw Caw why'd my natural habitat get replaced with 165 000 square feet of consumerist wasteland lol

How many Mexicans does it take to replace a serviceable part of a complex machine?

Just Juan and Emmanuel.

How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. The light bulb you remove and the light bulb you replace it with.

How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home?

Echo-location, location, location (Replace "bat" with "zubat" if you wish.)

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

How do you always keep your shoes tied?

Replace the laces with earphones.

What did the tv get for Christmas?

Replaced

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How many white people does it take to replace a light bulb?

One to hold the bulb, and the rest to screw the whole world.

How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails?

A: Replace the nails with screws.

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

How many Mexicans does it take to replace a light bulb?

Juan

What did the Imam say after he was replaced by immigrants?

They took my hijab!

How many mexicans does it take to replace a lightbulb?

Juan.

Why doesn't Jesus like M&amp?

Ms? They keep falling through. If that's not offensive enough, replace it with black Jesus and skittles.

How about an office party?

ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess

What replaces Steam, the gaming platform, in China?

Pollution.

Why won't people know when you replace words with instruments?

Idk, accordion to research I guess.

What is Samsung PR team's Christmas jingle you ask?

The phone we gave you is frightful, But the fire is so delightful ; And since we have no replace to go, Let it blow! Let it blow! Let it blow!

What do you call 1,000 liberals at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start! **an old joke that my dad used to tell at every party. You could replace "liberals" with pretty much anything.

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

How many Apple users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Once the bulb goes out, they replace the house.

How many Asian-American actors does it take to change a light bulb?

None - because they would all be replaced by white actors.

You might also enjoy:

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What did the shooting range instructor say to the guy in a wheelchair?

Parachute

How many ways are there to please a guy?

Three way.

Belief Jokes More Belief Jokes

What's the difference between feminism and Islam?

One is demonized by the actions and beliefs of a small minority. The other believes in the wage gap myth.

What do you call the belief that one kind of shoe is better than another?

Shoepremacy.

Bulb Jokes More Bulb Jokes

How many BLM protestors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.

How many American golf fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

1001 1 to offer up the bulb and 1000 to scream 'Get in the hole'

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How do you hold your liqour?

I hold mine by the ears.

What has 42 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk?

My Zipper.

Juan Jokes More Juan Jokes

What's the difference between a Mexican joke and a black joke?

Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal

What did the wife say as she left her Mexican husband?

I'm sorry but I love another Juan.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many Shia laBeouf's does it take to change a lightbulb?

NonononononononononoNONONONONONO! NONONONONONONO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO! (he can't.)

What can be said about a rich man who doesn't carry change with him?

He's got more money than cents

Q Jokes More Q Jokes

What is the best joke you have heard that was on the end of a Popsicle stick?

Here is mine: Q: Where do snowmen dance --------- A: At the snowball. Best joke at the end of a Popsicle stick

Why couldn't R get to P?

He had to wait in a Q!

Word Jokes More Word Jokes

What's another word for a face tattoo?

An everlasting jobstopper.

How do you take the letter "F" out of the word "WAY" ?

There is no F in way.