Hospital Jokes

Why did the french geologist have to go to the hospital?

He had Gaul stones.

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How do crabs leave the hospital?

On crotches...

Why did the dog go to the hospital?

He was feeling ruff.

What kind of fish can you find in a hospital?

A sturgeon.

Who's the most popular guy in the hospital?

The Ultra Sound guy. Who is it when he's not there? The Hip Replacement guy.

Who's the nicest guy at the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

What do you call it when you can't decide between a natural birth and the hospital?

A midwife crisis.

Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

Who's the coolest guy at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy.

What is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

The ICU (I-see-you!)

Whats the difference between a hospital and a terrorist stronghold?

I dunno I just fly the drone.....

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Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.

What kind of doctor never leaves the hospital?

An Oncologist

Who are the most decent people in the hospital?

The ultrasound people.!! lol

What take out food should you avoid at all costs in Hospital?

Donor Kebab

What do you call the vehicle used to carry Henry VIII's second wife to the hospital?

An Anne-Boleyn-ce.

Why did the cannibal get banned from the hospital?

He kept trying the doctors patients(patience)

Who's the coolest guy in the hospital?

A. The Ultrasound Guy

Why'd the cookie go to the hospital?

It was feeling a little crumby.

Why did the narcissistic cannibal end up in the hospital?

Because he was so full of himself.

What vehicle do bicycle riders take to the hospital?

An Ambulance Armstrong

Who is the coolest guy in the Hospital?

A. The Ultra Sound guy. Q. Who is the second coolest? A. The Hip replacement dude.

How can you tell who's the head nurse at a hospital?

It's the one who has knee pads on.

What did the chicken say ?

What did they chicken say to his friends after being sent to the hospital after failing to cross the road ?. Don't worry ill get over it.

Why has there never been an Asian president?

Because they are taken to the hospital if the election lasts more than 4 hours

Why do asians got to the hospital after voting?

Everyone knows that you should see a doctor for an erection that last longer than 4 hours.

What is a stalkers favorite part of a hospital?

the I see you.

Who's the laziest doctor at the hospital?

Doctor Dolittle

Why do LEGO men hate going to hospital...?

Because plastic surgery costs a fortune!

Why was the peanut rushed to the hospital?

He was a"salted"

Why did the woman's visit to wall street land her in the hospital?

Because the stock broker!

How did the pig get to the hospital?

in a hambulance.

Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultrasound man.

Whos the coolest guy in hospital?

The ultra-sound guy. Who takes over when hes on holiday? The hip-replacement guy

What do you call the nicest guy in the hospital?

The Ultra-sound guy..... Who covers him when he's not available The hip replacement guy!

Why did the vampire go to hospital?

He wanted his ghoulstones removed.

What part of a hospital does an abortion patient avoid?

The right wing

This joke may have profanity.

What part of the hospital does John Cena hate the most?

the ICU

Why did the monster go into hospital?

To have his ghoul-stones removed.

Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling very well.

What was the atmosphere like in the silent wooden part of a hospital?

It was an oakward experience.

Who is the coolest guy at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy. And who covers when hes off sick The hip replacement guy.

Who is the coolest guy in a hospital. The ultra sound guy. Whos the coolest when he is off?

The hip replacement guy. /dad

What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?

A: I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

How awesome were the 50s?

None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals.

Who's the friendliest person at the hospital?

The ultra sound guy.

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

How can you tell which nurse is the head nurse at a hospital?

She's the one with the dirty knees.

What did they call Glenn Frey when he was in the hospital?

An Illeagle

Why don't they use Macs/iPads in hospitals?

Because using an Apple a day keeps the doctors away.

What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?

ICU

What would happen if tarantulas were as big as horses ?

If one bit you you could ride it to hospital !

What did the doctor say to the witch in hospital?

With any luck you'll be able to get up for a spell.

What would happen if black widow spiders were as big as horses?

A: If one bit you, you could ride it to the hospital.

How do you know it was not U.S. that did the aerial bombing?

Because the funeral, wedding and hospital were not the targets.

What do you call an imp that is rushes to the hospital?

Impatient OC from r/dadjokes

Which is the quickest way to reach the hospital?

Bernard pushed him under a truck...

Where does he go next?

The hospital. Why does he go to the hospital For Alcohol poisoning

Why should you always tend sheep near a hospital?

Because at any moment they could bleet out

Where is the worst place to play hide and seek in a hospital?

In the I.C.U.

Where is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

In the ICU.

Why was the doctor forced to leave work early?

The hospital ran all out of patience

Why did the man bring his bed with him to the hospital?

It's because he heard hospital beds have a high mortality rate.

Why did the cat go to the hospital?

A: To have a CAT scan done.

What did the rabbi say after he was diagnosed with an aggressive and inoperable form of brain cancer, and his wife and child died in a car crash while driving to the hospital?

Oy vey!"

How do pigs gets to hospital?

In a hambulance

What's The Difference Between Larry Hogan And An Iraqi Child?

Larry Hogan gets back from the hospital.

What's worse than being uncomfortable at the hospital?

Being made comfortable.

What do you call a Spanish man who has just got out of hospital?

Manuel...

Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?

The hip Doctor!

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No, I think I'd like some more-ay.

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Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why couldn't Edward leave Russia?

Because he was Snowden.

How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital?

The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys!

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What's the best way to get to the mental hospital?

Take the psychopath!!

Where do you take someone who overdoses on homeopathic medicine?

A mental hospital

Crotch Jokes More Crotch Jokes

How do crabs leave the hospital?

On crotches...

How do crabs get out of hospitals?

On crotches.

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How many ninjas are in this room?

As many as want to be!

Why don't you want to take a Pokemon into the bathroom?

Because it might Pikachu.

Fly Jokes More Fly Jokes

What do you call a bird that flies over a baseball stadium?

A fowl !

Why do aliens always disembark via ramp?

Do they have problems with stairs Or are flying saucers just handicap-accessible

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Whats the odd one out ?

The man on the moon? Santa Claus? Or an honest Lawyer? Yes you got it Santa. The other two are figments of the imagination.

Why did the man throw away all the new pennies he had?

Because they were a nuisance (new cents).

Crab Jokes More Crab Jokes

Why did the crab hate to share?

He was a little shellfish.

Why was the ocean so cranky?

You'd be cranky too if you had crabs on your bottom.