Tick Jokes

What makes the Palestinians tick?

Not counting the bombs strapped to their chests, I have no clue.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

What do you call a tick on the moon?

A lunatic.

Why did the German watchmaker say to the watch that kept saying "Tick, tick, tick, tick,..."?

Ve haff vays of meking you tock."

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

What do you call a midget in a subway saying, "tick...tick...tick..."?

A metro-gnome

What really ticks people off?

Time bombs.

Why did the girl spray her clock?

A: It was full of ticks.

How can you tell when witches are carrying a time bomb?

You can hear their brooms tick!

What did the German watch repairer say to his watch that would only go tick, tick, tick?

A: "Ve have vays of making you tock!"

Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ?

It was for 'tick or tweet' !

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Lie Jokes More Lie Jokes

Why are women such bad drivers?

Because they are constantly lied to about what 8" is.

Why can't you lie to an aborted fetus?

It wasn't born yesterday.

Chicken Jokes More Chicken Jokes

What came first?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face. The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says ... "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Why did the chicken limp across the road?

Because it was a lame joke.

Watch Jokes More Watch Jokes

Why do rednecks like the doggie position?

That way they can both watch wrestling.

What is the saddest Olympic sport to watch?

Water Polio

Vay Jokes More Vay Jokes

What did the German watch repairer say to his watch that would only go tick, tick, tick?

A: "Ve have vays of making you tock!"

What did the German clock maker say to the clock that would only go "tick tick tick?

Vee have vays of making you tock!

Face Jokes More Face Jokes

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?

Because the snowblower was coming down the block.

Whats the difference between chinese people and racism?

Racism has many faces

Question Jokes More Question Jokes

Why did the fishing boat captain hire an all Mexican crew?

Because in the interview they answered every question with "sea senor"

How does William Shakespeare make chili?

With beans? Or not with beans? That is the question.

Lean Jokes More Lean Jokes

Why is the leaning tower of Pisa in Italy?

It's Italicized

What kind of body do you want to have?

ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human

Luna Tick Jokes More Luna Tick Jokes

What do you call a crazy bug on the moon?

A luna-tick.

What do you call a pest from the moon?

A luna-tick.