Tortoise Jokes

What do you call a tortoise in a shell suit?

A tortoise.

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Why did the tortoise get arrested?

Because he got there before the hare.

What does a balding man and a tortoise have in common?

Hare loss.

What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

How is Jerry Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hare

What's the difference between a turtle and a tortoise?

I don't know but your mother's a whore!

This joke may have profanity.

How is Sandusky like a tortoise?

He gets there before the hair...

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

What did the snail say while riding on the back of the tortoise?

Wheeeee!!!! --hey, at least it's a fun joke for kids!

Who would win in a race?

The Tortoise or the Reddit Servers

What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise ?

A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper !

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What did Patrick Stewart say when he was given a tortoise for his birthday?

Please, take it back. I don't like getting attached to animals. Especially when they only live 100 years.

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Reddit Server Jokes More Reddit Server Jokes

What's all this talk about Reddit's servers being down?

Guess I can't see what everyone else sees.

What do I need a girlfriend for?

When the Reddit servers are ready to go down on me anytime?

Hamster Jokes More Hamster Jokes

What do we call a wireless mouse?

Hamster.

What do you call an Orangutan, a tortoise and a hamster in cars?

Top Gear,

Win Jokes More Win Jokes

Who won the international race?

It was a Thai.

What do you call a Snorlax that wants to win a race?

A cab.

Dance Jokes More Dance Jokes

Why are dogs bad at dancing?

They have two left feet

Why is George Michaels never gonna dance again?

His EKG ain't got no rythym

Hare Jokes More Hare Jokes

What happens when a magician gets mad?

He rips out his hare!

Why did the bald man draw rabbits all over his head?

From a distance they look like hares!

Scarve Jokes More Scarve Jokes

Why was the hipster wearing a scarf during the summer?

He liked wearing scarves before it got cool.

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

What's the fastest animal in the world?

A chicken crossing Ethiopia. What's the second fastest animal ... The ethiopian chasing it.

Birthday Jokes More Birthday Jokes

What do you always get on your birthday?

Another year older!birt

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?

I don't know but you'd better hope he likes it!