Wife Jokes

Why were the 2 in love melons upset?

Because they cantaloupe. (The wife thought of this one... hopefully nobody else has posted it)

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What happens if you sing country music backwards?

A: You get your job and your wife back.

How to make your wife take care while driving?

Tell her that if she meets with a serious accident, the newspaper will have to print her age.

What if I draw a peanut on her napkin?

Wife: Please go wait in the car

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

What's the one thing you don't want to hear when fighting with your wife on a long road trip?

Recalculating route.

What's the difference between my erection and my motorcycle?

My wife actually looks forward to riding the motorcycle.

What's the problem with your marriage?

WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise

Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife?

Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise."

What do you get when you play country music backwards?

You get your job back, you get your wife back and you get your tractor back.

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Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What animal is two animals at the same time?

The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :) ... oh, wait.

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a married guy and a single guy?

Wait, let me ask and make sure it's ok to tell the joke.

What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo?

One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of.

Judge Jokes More Judge Jokes

Why are doctors sued for malpractice at the beach?

A: Because they are judged by a jury of their piers.

What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?

Come Jokes More Come Jokes

What did the Doe say when she came out of the woods?

I'm not doing that again for two bucks.

What does a Catholic priest and a silver medalist have in common?

They both came in a little behind.

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

Your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.

How did the stoner propose to his girlfriend?

Marriage, you wanna?

Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What are the 5 best Vegetables of all time?

tink about it. Gai lan, gai lan... gai lan, gai lan, and gai lan. (thanks to Chapelle show skit((making the band)))

What do pirates say when they find buried treasure?

Thanks for the gold!

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why does a blonde lay on the floor while shopping?

To look for the lowest prices.

What does a racist joke and a crime have in common?

They both start with you looking over your shoulder.

10 Year Jokes More 10 Year Jokes

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

In a mirror.

What is 10 years with me?

Wife:What is 10 years with me Husband:A second. Wife:What is $1000 for me Husband:A coin. Wife: Ok give me a coin. Husband:Wait a second