2nd Jokes

What is the difference between a man falling from a 2nd floor and a man falling from an 8th floor?

That the man that falls from the 2nd floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH While the man falling from the 8th floor does: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

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What do you call a 2nd grader with no friends?

A Sandyhook survivor...................im so sorry.

What is the time ?

2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII !

This joke may have profanity.

How often do you floss?

Me: Daily Dentist: *Pulls fully grown centaur from between my 2nd and 3rd molars*

Why do the republicans defend the 2nd amendment so hard?

They need it to shoot themselves in the foot.

What is the definition of a minor 2nd chord?

Two flutists playing in unison.

What is that son of yours doing these days ?

2nd Monster: He's at medical school. 1st Monster: Oh what's he studying 2nd Monster: Nothing they're studying him!

What is the difference between falling from the 2nd floor and the 20th floor?

The 2nd floor: (SPLAT) AAAAAaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhh...... The 20th floor: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! (SPLAT)

Whats worse than having to break up with your Japanese girlfriend for the first time?

Her not hearing you, so you drop the bomb a 2nd time.

What was one thing Nicholas the 2nd of Russia not good at?

Czarcasm.

What do you call someone who has ancestry back to China but is a 2nd generation US citizen and is a professional bodybuilder?

Ben Ching.

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What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball?

2nd base.

Why does it take longer to get from 1st to 2nd base, than it does to get from 2nd to 3rd base?

Because there’s a Shortstop in between!

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Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What did the Momma buffalo say to the baby buffalo on his first day of school?

Bye Son (Bison)

Why do pessimists always think it's the weekend?

Because every day is a sadder-day.

Bear Jokes More Bear Jokes

What do you get when you cross a bear and a spider?

A six-legged, honey-lovin', web-spinnin'

What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp ?

A bear faced lyre !

Second Jokes More Second Jokes

What takes longer to run, first to second, or second to third?

Second to third, because there's a short stop in the middle!

What do clocks do when they're still hungry after a meal?

They go back four seconds.

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Who was that on the phone Fred?

Fred: No one important. Just some man who said it was long distance from Australia so I told him I knew that already and put the phone down !

What do you call it when a man has a beer in each hand?

Irish handcuffs.

Son Jokes More Son Jokes

How to scare parents?

Dad: "Can I see your report card, son?" Son: "I don't have it." Dad: "Why?" Son: "I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

What did the pot-head name his son?

Bud.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a coyote and a flea?

One howls on the prairie the other prowls on the hairy.

What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ?

Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !

Oven Jokes More Oven Jokes

How long do you need to put the turkey in the oven for?

Mine was dead within 30 minutes (credit goes to my Grandma)

How do you fix a woman's watch?

Why should you There's a clock on the oven.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What do you call a dad that has fallen through the ice?

A Popsicle.

What are 2 girl chickens that fall in love?

A. Lesbi-hens