Alarm Jokes

How do you feel when your phone suddenly starts blaring your least favorite tune?

Alarmed.

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Why does John Cena set his alarm at 1:59?

So he can kick out at 2.

How do alien hunters keep from oversleeping?

They SETI their alarm-y

How much does Nicki Minaj sell security devices for?

Pound an alarm

How do you know you're getting old?

When you exit a museum, you trigger the alarm.

Why did the spud lover set his alarm for 8:00?

Because he wanted to get a-po-ta-to clock. to make joke more apparent

What did the spud lover do before it went to bed?

A: It set its alarm for eight -- so it would get a potato clock.

Why did the alarm go off at the mansion?

Because the owner entered the correct code.

What's the difference between an expensive purchase and a loud noise that scares a chicken?

One costs an arm and a leg. The other caused alarm and an egg.

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Why don't you transport onions by boat?

You don' want your boat to be full of leeks.

Why did God bless Texas?

He didn't want to upset Chuck Norris.

2 Jokes More 2 Jokes

Why were there only 1,000 Mexicans at the Alamo?

they only had 2 trucks

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

Guy Jokes More Guy Jokes

What has two arms and 14 legs?

Guy who collects legs.

Why did the coach prohibit the blonde from giving any bj's to the team?

The guys complained about the blow-dryer being too hot ...

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

When is a --- not a ---?

joke I'll start you off: When is a door not a door &gt

How many Poaz does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

None she is the joke

Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Who wants to hear an awesome knock knock joke?

Okay, you start.

What is the worst joke you have ever Heard?

I'll start it off: Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

Sleep Jokes More Sleep Jokes

How many women have you slept with wife asked husband, "How many women have you slept with?

he proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

What are you planning on doing on MLK day?

Her: I plan on sleeping all day Me: ...Why Her: I want to have dreams too

Jerk Jokes More Jerk Jokes

What did the teenage boy who was jerking off in his room say when his mother called?

One second mom, I'm coming!

What's it called when a smart girl jerks you off?

A stroke of genius!

Sell Jokes More Sell Jokes

What does your Dad sell ?

Ed: Salt. Ned: Well my dad is a salt seller too. Ed: Shake.

What did the Devil say to the being that sold its soul to him?

Nice doing business with you!"