Beg Jokes

What did the flower say when she was begged not to tell a secret?

Chrysanthemum's the word.

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What do you call someone who begs for a free copy of "Return Of The King"?

A free-LOTR

What's the difference between a paycheck and a D**k?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Who says you can't make someone love you?

I've got a bottle of Scotch, some duct tape and a fresh batch of cupcakes, that beg to differ.

What's the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Why are you begging for a quarter?

Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar.

What's a man's idea of foreplay?

A half hour of begging.

What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?

the woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"

What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?

Slaves sing when chains are put on them. PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness

What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg?

Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.

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Beggar Jokes More Beggar Jokes

What's the difference between a beggar and a US Politician?

A beggar has retained his integrity.

Why are you begging for a quarter?

Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar.

Sit Jokes More Sit Jokes

What do you call an area where an Octopus is sitting?

Octopied

What do you call 5 people sitting In two rows?

Tetris

Letter Jokes More Letter Jokes

What starts and ends with a 'v' and is only one letter?

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?

It's a dead letter day.

Flower Jokes More Flower Jokes

Why do sailors give their wives a bouqet of ropes instead of flowers?

It's a bouqet of forget-me-knots.

Why is Princess Peach named after a fruit and Princess Daisy named after a flower?

Because wanting to sound good is their OBJECTion

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman?

Do you sell flip-flips?"

What did Ernie say to Bert when he asked for ice cream?

Sure, Bert!

Quarter Jokes More Quarter Jokes

How do you know when the Moon is going broke?

When it's down to it's last quarter.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?

Quarter pounder with cheese

Think Jokes More Think Jokes

Why did the remorseful child-molester paint his toe-nails?

He thought it would be a pedicure. sorry.

What do you call an alligator that wins a race?

A chompion. (7-year old me thought he was very clever.)

Secret Jokes More Secret Jokes

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

Why do you want to join the Secret Service?

Me: "It's a secret." Job interviewer: "You got the job."