Letter Jokes

What is the longest word in the English language?

SMILES because there is a mile between the first and last letters!

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How do you take the letter "F" out of the word "WAY" ?

There is no F in way.

Why the story tells that Cindarella was at the ball?

Because the censor erased the letter "s".

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

A letter from an ISP saying they've been downloading illegally.

What are the ten letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye! Arrrr! & the Seven Seas!

What begins with P ends with E and has thousands of letters?

The Post Office

Why do American's take letters out of words?

Because they're lazy, and they hate U.

What word has the most letters in it?

Postbox.

Why are there three letters missing from the alphabet?

Because Charlie Sheen has HIV.

This joke may have profanity.

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents?

Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

What's the difference between an Elephant and a post box?

Well, if you don't know I'm definitely not asking you to mail this letter for me.

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What letter has to wait in line the longest?

Q

What letter do pirates guess most often on Wheel of Fortune?

T. Modern pirates are most likely based in Somalia, and T is the most common consonant in the Somali Latin alphabet.

Where's the middle of nowhere?

It's three letters in. "H".

Why is the letter 'B' commonly regarded as a pervert in the alphabet?

Because he can see the D

What is the difference between a human dad and a moth dad?

Two letters.

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter?

an Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke

How many trans women does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but first they have to sit in the dark for a year and then get letters from two electricians giving them permission.

Why is C afraid of every other letter in the alphabet?

Because they are not Cs.

What do the letters G, I, T, N, H, N & O have in common?

nothing

What do you call a woman who throws letters in the fire?

Bernadette

Why was "C" afraid of all the other letters ?

They are all "Not-C's" !

What do I do after I die?

Idk EDIT: Read the letters out loud :)

Why is "Z" afraid of all of the other letters?

Because they're Not-Z's ( )

How many letters can you wear on your feet?

10 E's

Whats the last letter in the alphabet?

somebody help plz I need help on kindergarten project

How do you fit an elephant in the subway?

You take the letter "S" out of "sub", and the letter "F" out of "way".

How do you fit 50 elephants into a subway station?

You take the letter "f" out of the word "way" (there's no f in way) *joke works best when the person being asked the question has to think about it for some time and says the phrase themselves without realizing what they said

What starts with E, ends with E, and only has one letter in it?

An envelope!

Why does the Devil hate the holiday Season?

Because he gets so many letters from dyslexic children.

Why is the letter E lazy?

Because it's always in bed.

How did Canada pick its name?

There were two Canadians and an American. They put letters in a hat and drew. They got "C-eh", "N-eh", "D-eh". The American didn't know what was going on, but he relayed the message. I know i need to work on my execution.

How can you make seven even?

How can you make seven even? Take away the letter S.

How did they name Canada?

They picked letters out of a hat: C eh, N eh, D eh.

How many letters are in the alphabet during the Christmas Season?

Only 25...because there's Noel.

Why did the letter arrive wet?

Because it had postage dew.

What starts with 'D' and has two letters in it?

w

What did the letter F say when he became cool?

Sup G

What do George Michael and Carrie Fisher have in common?

Both their first names have six letters. That's it. For now. Edit: they're both dead.

Why do people leave letters at the football ground ?

They want to catch the last goal-post !

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

Who's there ! Adeline ! Adeline who ?

Adeline extra to the letter !

Why does the letter "r" make all the difference between Friday and Sunday?

payday vs prayday.

What kind of turns do letters take?

U-turns! *From my 9 year old son yesterday. Fixed typo.

What do the letters G, I, T, N, H, N & O have in common?

nothing

What are two letters a Brit can't live without?

T and Qs.

How did skeletons send each other letters in the days of the Wild West?

By Bony Express.

What is the best way to send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

By hare (air) mail.

What do Ohio and Mackerels have in common?

Nothing! Ohio is the only state in the United States that's name shares no letters with the word mackerel.

How many letters are there in the Pirate Alphabet?

Ten. Aye, aye, arr, and the seven seas.

How do you spell candy with two letters?

C and Y

Why is the letter N the most powerful letter?

Because it is in the middle of TNT.

Why is E the only good letter?

Because every other letter is not E!

How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?

By hare mail!

Why is the letter E like London?

Because it is the capital of England.

What starts with "E" and has only one letter in it?

Envelope!

How do you spell "we" with two letters without using the letters W and E?

U and I.

How can you spell chilly with two letters?

IC (icy) .

What insect can be spelled with just one letter?

Bee.

What's the longest word in the English language ?

Pupil: Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters

Why do postmen carry letters?

Because the letters can't go anywhere by themselves.

What has ten letters and starts with gas?

flatulence"

What's a pirate's most favorite letter?

A letter of marque(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Letterofmarque).

What begins with E, ends with E, and has one letter?

envelope

What does December have that other months dont have?

The letter D.

What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?

the woman asks her husband. "Keep sending them!"

What two words have thousands of letters in them?

Post office.

How does a ghost start a letter?

Tomb it may concern.

What letter stands for the ocean?

The letter C.

What's the difference between Botox and Borax?

Two letters.

Which letter has the best bum?

Big Rs

What's the difference between being artistic and autistic?

Just one letter.

What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters?

With love and hisses.

What two words have the most letters?

Post office.

What letter is like a vegetable?

The letter P.

What's the longest verb in the English language?

Smiles. There is a mile between the first and the last letter.

Which two letters on the keyboard are the furthest from each other?

X and V. There's a C between them.

What letters are not in the alphabet?

The ones in the mail of course!

How many redditors does it take to send a letter?

Three. One to post it, and two to repost it.

Where do ghosts mail their letters?

At the ghost office.

What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?

A: "The C" COMMENT A JOKE BELOW!

What letter should you avoid?

The letter A because it makes men mean.

What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen prefer ?

I.C. !

How many letters are there in the alphabet?

Eleven. T-H-E A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?

The letter "D" !

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?

Stone.

What has more letters than the alphabet?

The post office.

What starts with the letter "M" and picks up metal?

Mexicans.

Who does Dracula get letters from?

His fang club.

What's the best way to send a letter to Prince Charles?

Heir mail

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?

Black mail !

What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend?

It's a dead letter day.

What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?

Fang mail.

What starts and ends with a 'v' and is only one letter?

w'

Why does the letter A look like a flower?

A: Because Bs like flowers.

What did the werewolf write at the bottom of the letter?

Best vicious . . .

How do you get a dead turtle to flip itself back over on its feet?

You take the letter F out of way.

What don't you ever wanna call a black person that begins with the letter n. And ends with the letter r?

Neighbor

Whats the similarity between Monkey in the Middle and Football?

Both of the groups that are concered about the health of someone playing both begin with the letter P.

What three letters in the alphabet frighten criminals?

F.B.I.

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Why didn't Timmy get his parents Christmas presents?

He's an orphan.

Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?

Santa Clues.

Ocean Jokes More Ocean Jokes

Why did the shark cross the ocean?

To get to the other tide!

What doesn't get any wetter no matter how much it rains?

The ocean

U. Jokes More U. Jokes

How can u drop an egg onto a concrete floor without breaking it?

A: Any way you want, concrete floors tend to be very hard to crack.

What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your TV starts to float?

You turn on the lights and shoot the black guy stealing it.

Student Jokes More Student Jokes

What did the spanish teacher say to his one student, who was a member of the cartel?

Where is my essay?

Why are you Late Today?

Teacher: Why are you Late Today? Student: Because of sign down the road. Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late? Student: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"

Download Jokes More Download Jokes

Who threw that?

Gary, was that you Don't act innocent, I know you download music illegally.

What's life like in the year 3000?

It's pretty much the same as 2015 but you can download a towel

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

Why are Gorillas underpaid?

They're willing to work peanuts!

Why do liberal courts don't work?

Because they don't like to judge anyone.

Rest Jokes More Rest Jokes

What happens to the water level in the aquarium when one of the fish dies?

It rises because the rest of the fishes are crying :'(

What does the rest of the colony call an old ant?

An antique.

Alphabet Jokes More Alphabet Jokes

What happened when the 26th letter of the alphabet hit puberty?

She got a Zebra.

What is every blonde's ambition?

A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.