Checkmate Jokes

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!

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Why can't you checkmate a christian?

Because they're all pawns and their king doesn't exist.

How did the baker put his opponent in checkmate?

with an en croissant

What do you call it when you get stuck into a shotgun wedding with a Czech?

Checkmate!

Who ate all the cookies?

5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate.

Who's there ! Checkmate ! Checkmate who ?

Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank !

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Bounce Jokes More Bounce Jokes

Who's there ! Checkmate ! Checkmate who ?

Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank !

What do you call a basketball that rolls off court and deflates?

Out of bounce.

5 Year Old Jokes More 5 Year Old Jokes

Why is it a bad idea to give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'll "Let it go! Let it go!" This joke was made up by my 5 year old nephew.

What do you call a 5 year old kid with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor All they wanted was books but instead they got magazines

Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

What's the definition of a Polygamist?

Pupil: A parrot with more than one wife!

How many beers is that for you today, dear?

Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down.

Exist Jokes More Exist Jokes

Why is USA so gloomy?

Because only two parties exist for the whole country

Why couldn't Jesus waterski?

Because he never existed.

Opponent Jokes More Opponent Jokes

What did the man who survived a javelin headwound say to his opponent?

Thanks for opening my mind.

How did the baker put his opponent in checkmate?

with an en croissant

Stick Jokes More Stick Jokes

What do you call a cow that's swallowed a stick of dynamite?

Abominable.

What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years?

Church.

Ask Jokes More Ask Jokes

Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, "Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?

Then I wonder if it knows something I don't.

What products do you use for grooming?

she asked me. Her face looked quite taken aback when I said, "Facebook"

Beautiful Jokes More Beautiful Jokes

When a guy texts "your beautiful," reply with "my beautiful what?

then laugh and laugh and never talk to that nice idiot again.

What is Checkmate?

You tell your Wife, "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" Wife asks, "WAS SHE BEAUTIFUL?" You cant say 'NO' You cant say 'YES' That is Checkmate!