Bank Jokes

Why is a river really rich?

Its got two banks.

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Why did the football coach return to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

What do you call a midget psychic that just robbed a bank?

Small medium at large

Why does Bank of America not have a backspace on the ATM keypad?

Because America is never wrong.

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

What does a bunny do to a bank?

Rabbit

What do you call ice cream that robs a bank?

Heist cream Got to give credit to my friend, who sadly dosent have reddit.

What belongs in the bank and doesn't exist?

My tax refund.

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!!

Why did I rob the bank?

For Fundsies! I made that one up yesterday so I really hope nobody has heard it before.

Why did the football go to the bank?

to get is quarterback.

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Why is it a good idea to put your money in the freezer, instead of the bank?

So you always have access to cold hard cash...

Why did the Irish call their currency the "Punt" ?

Because it rhymes with Bank Manager

What did Michael Jackson say at the bank?

Make that change"

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?

A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank?

A polterheist.

Why wasn't the fella able to get out when he fell in the river?

Cause it was on a Sunday and the banks were closed

Where does a river keep it's money?

At the bank.

What happened when a heart robs a bank?

It gets put under cardiac arrest.

What bank do birds open accounts with?

The one with the most branches!

Why can't you keep secrets in a bank?

Because of all the tellers.

What do banks and the US government have in common?

They both deal with checks and balances.

Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

A: Because she had an interest in the principal.

What did the tree do when the bank closed?

It started its own branch

Why did the baker rob the bank?

He needed the dough.

Why couldn't the giraffe get a job at the bank?

They weren't hiring.

Why do you want to work in a bank Alan?

Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it sir.

What did the getaway driver do after his accomplice, Rice, robbed the bank?

Pilaf.

What do you call an obese psychic that works at a bank?

A four chin teller

Why was the robber bionic?

He was holding up a bank.

Who robs banks and squirts ink?

Billy the Squid.

What do you call a psychic midget that just robbed a bank?

Small medium at large

Why does the addict avoid going to the bank?

Because he suffers from cash withdrawals.

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.

Who's there ! Andrew ! Andrew who ?

Andrew all her money out of the bank !

Which is the only bank that drug tests all of its employees?

PNC

Who's there ! Checkmate ! Checkmate who ?

Checkmate bounce if you don't have money in the bank !

How do you expect us to loan you money if you can't prove to us that you don't need it?

Banks

Why couldn't the teller comprehend the bank robber?

He was bad at stickup lines.

What's the name of your former bank?

I said, "Piggy"

Why did the janitor get fired from the bank?

Because he cleaned out the vault.

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Function Jokes More Function Jokes

What do you call a mathematician who drinks too much?

A functioning alcoholic.

What is the integral of to the x?

The function of u to the n

Government Jokes More Government Jokes

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

What do banks and the US government have in common?

They both deal with checks and balances.

Loan Shark Jokes More Loan Shark Jokes

What do you call a money lender who lives in the ocean?

A loan shark!

Where's my money?

a loan shark "Where are my friends - alone shark

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

Who's there ! Amazon ! Amazon who ?

Amazon of a gun !

Whats the difference between an easily offended person and a gun?

A gun actually does something when triggered.

Atm Jokes More Atm Jokes

How to pick up chicks at the gym Pasted from Facebook: A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?

Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"

What machine do you need to make a girl fall in love with you ?

An ATM machine

Canadian Jokes More Canadian Jokes

Why don't Canadians do well on Wheel of Fortune?

Because the host gets confused when they say "I'd to buy a vowel eh."

How do you find white Canadian reggae musician Snow in the snow?

You ask an informer

America Jokes More America Jokes

What is the difference between a yogurt and america?

If you leave the yogurt for 100 years alone, it develops a culture.

Why does Mexico rarely wins medals at the olympic games?

All the ones who can run/swim/jump already made it to America.

Small Medium Jokes More Small Medium Jokes

What do you call a midget psychic on the run from the law?

A small medium at large.

What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police?

A small medium at large.