Government Jokes

What do you call the 'n' in government?

CryptoN Only few will get this

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What do you call a snake that works in the government?

A civil serpent

Why is the oval office oval shaped?

Because the government cuts corners.

What type of government would a nation ran by Alvin and the Chipmunks be called?

A theocracy.

How do you stop the government from making a pipeline across your land?

You Sioux them.

What do you call a group of spoiled children?

The government

What's the difference between the Mafia and the Government?

Only one of them is organized.

What do you call a chicken takeover of the government?

A coop.

How much money does the Government pay people with autistic disorder?

Enough to buy a computer that can play League of Legends.

What kind of cancer always stands by the government?

Pro-state cancer.

Whats the difference between the government and a stripper?

Strippers don't rig their polls.

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Why do you call the US government when a blizzard of secret information gets released?

They're snowed-en!

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER.

Why does government matter?

It doesn't.

What functions worse than the US Government?

A Greek Bank.

What do you call a spider that wants to overthrow the government?

An anarchid.

What did the guitars do when they were unhappy with their government?

Formed a coustic d'tat

What do you call a government consisted of burglars?

A thiefdom.

What branch of government actually listens to the people?

What branch of government actually listens to the people?

What does the US Government use to spy on a high school student?

An essay.

What's the difference between organized crime and the government?

Only one of them is organized. Couldn't help but post this. Went to see a former mafia boss today, and that joke was told leading up to him speaking.

What kind of government does Disney World have?

A plutocracy

What's the difference between Polio and 9/11?

The government actually wanted to stop Polio.

What does 9/11 and owning CP have in common?

The government will watch you for the next 15+ years

How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

I'll let you know when I find out...

What do banks and the US government have in common?

They both deal with checks and balances.

What do you call a fish who works for the government?

An Official.

What do you call it when a bunch of stoned poets overthrow the government?

A Haiku.

What do a redneck and hippie have in common?

They both hate the government.

Why is everyone mad at Kim Davis?

Nobody in the government does their job.

What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?

A: One of them is organized.

What's the difference between abortion and terrorism?

Terrorism is funded by the US government!

This joke may have profanity.

What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality?

gets arrested*

Why are families only allowed 1 child in China?

The government is opposed to euthanasia.

How do the Russian people feel about their government?

They're Putin up with it.

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China Jokes More China Jokes

Why is it that there aren't much natural oil resources in China?

They ate all the dinosaurs

How do you get a job with Apple?

Be born in China.

Mature Jokes More Mature Jokes

What's the difference between a guitar player and a savings bond?

Eventually the savings bond will mature and begin to earn money.

What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?

Government bonds mature over time and earn money

Snake Jokes More Snake Jokes

Why did Snake walk into the bar?

Because he wears an eyepatch and has poor depth perception.

Why can't you trust snakes ?

They speak with forked tongues !

Cross Jokes More Cross Jokes

What would you get if you crossed a cow with a rabbit?

Hare in your milk!

How do animals cross the ocean?

On a Gir-raft.

Censor Jokes More Censor Jokes

Why did the Chinese Government cross the road?

THE PUNCHLINE OF THIS JOKE HAS BEEN CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF CHINA, PLEASE REMAIN CALM WHILE WE WILL DEAL WITH THE OP IN A CIVIL MANNER.

What did the /r/news mod say to the other /r/news mod?

censored

Road Jokes More Road Jokes

What road do crazy people take?

The Pyscho**path**

Why did the stoner cross the road?

A: Who else would follow a chicken

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What do you call a group of millionaires sitting around watching the NBA finals ?

The Lakers . (Laker fan here. Sorry prob would have been more appropriate last week during the finals. ) Edit: I heard this some where the other day. I can't take credit for the joke .

What's wrong with a joke containing Cobalt, Radon and Yttrium?

It's CoRnY

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What's the best response when someone wastes your time?

Answers below please.

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time?

What happens when everyone in the country takes a pee at the same time? Urine-nation!