Congress Jokes

What bill is the Congress's favorite?

Of course the $ bill!

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What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...

What do you call a group of Idiots?

Congress

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?

A: No fee--If No Recovery!

Why is Congress like a cold?

Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

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Aye Jokes More Aye Jokes

Why is French person a better team player than a pirate?

The pirate says, "Aye, aye!" The French says, "Oui, oui!"

How many letters are there in the Pirate Alphabet?

Ten. Aye, aye, arr, and the seven seas.

Change Jokes More Change Jokes

How many Sore Losers does it take to change a Lightbulb?

Won.

How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

Mint Jokes More Mint Jokes

Why did the Hydroxyl molecule blow up the US Mint?

It was a Free Radical.

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How do you stop a thundering herd of Apes?

Hold up your arm and say "Go back you didn't say 'May I'"

What's the strongest letter in the alphabet?

P*** Even Superman can't hold it.

Progress Jokes More Progress Jokes

What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

What is the opposite of progress?

colgatereally)Congress.

Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

Why are your eyes dilated?

Me: "Your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love" Mom: "What were you looking at " Me: "Memes"

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Disabled.

Bunch Jokes More Bunch Jokes

What do you call a bunch of black children playing in a pile of leaves?

raisin bran

What do you call a bunch of wealthy muslims?

Ballah ballah ballah ballah ballah

Fee Jokes More Fee Jokes

What is your fee?

Lawyer says: "1000 US dollars for 3 questions." Man: "Wow - so much! Isn't it a bit expensive " Lawyer: "Yes, what is your third question "

Which side is it best to lie on?

she asked. "The side that pays your fee" replied the doctor.