Congress Jokes

What bill is the Congress's favorite?

Of course the $ bill!

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What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...

What do you call a group of Idiots?

Congress

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?

A: No fee--If No Recovery!

Why is Congress like a cold?

Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

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Mint Jokes More Mint Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?

They say he made a mint.

What do you call mints you can spread through social media?

Memementos

Hoot Jokes More Hoot Jokes

What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl?

A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

Bunch Jokes More Bunch Jokes

What do you call a black guy surrounded by a bunch of white guys?

The Allman Brothers.

Why don't cows hang out with camels?

They're all a bunch of drama-dairies.

Baboon Jokes More Baboon Jokes

What's the difference between a group of baboons and our political system?

I don't know.

How does a baboon make phone calls?

He just monkeys around on the line!

Circus Jokes More Circus Jokes

Whats the difference between a circus and The Rockettes?

The circus is a cunning array of stunts...

What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...

Bill Jokes More Bill Jokes

What will Bill's favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint takes effect?

A: Everything's $100.

What should you do if windows crashes cost you a lot of money?

A: You should bill Gates.

Progress Jokes More Progress Jokes

What's the opposite of pro?

Con. So what's the opposite of progress

What do you call a lamppost in Niger?

Progress.

Sense Jokes More Sense Jokes

Why is a cow that he jumps?

Because he higher and higher. (I translated the joke from Dutch, and yeah it's supposed to not make any sense, it just sounds funny, in Dutch at least. :-$)

Why is Joey Tribbiani a presenter on the new Top Gear?

It doesn't make sense, he and all his friends are always stuck in second gear