Congress Jokes

What bill is the Congress's favorite?

Of course the $ bill!

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What's the opposite of progress?

congress.

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one. They just hold it still and wait for the world to revolve around them.

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

What's the difference between congress and a circus?

One is a Cunning array of Stunts...

What do you call a group of Idiots?

Congress

What is the opposite of pro?

Con. What is the opposite of progress Congress.

What's the difference between Personal Injury lawyers and Congress?

A: No fee--If No Recovery!

Why is Congress like a cold?

Because sometimes the ayes (eyes) have it and sometimes the no's (nose).

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ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT ALIGHT

What did the cocaine addict say to his drug of choice?

I'm kinda busy, I won't be able to stay any longer, smell ya later" PS: the addict died that day from severe delusions that his coke was talking blanket, lot of coke....

Parliament Jokes More Parliament Jokes

Why do the bees have honey?

Because they have a queen. If they had a parliament, they would have had nothing.

Whats the difference between congress and parliament?

Ones filled with a bunch of baboons and the other just doesn't give a hoot during the day.

Group Jokes More Group Jokes

What's the difference between Reddit and 4chan?

One is a group of immature internet trolls....and the other thinks it isn't.

What do you call it when someone shoots a group of fish in a barrel?

A school shooting

Idiot Jokes More Idiot Jokes

What do a pregnant teenager, frozen beer, and a burned pizza have in common?

Some idiot forgot to pull it out in time.

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

Mint Jokes More Mint Jokes

Why did a lightbulb in the candy store go out?

It needed to get it's fill o' mint.

Why did the Hydroxyl molecule blow up the US Mint?

It was a Free Radical.

Fill Jokes More Fill Jokes

How many dead babies does it take to fill up my house?

One more.

How are the Buffalo Bills like Billy Graham?

Both of them fill a stadium with 60,000 people shouting " "

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How many BLM protestors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.

How do you make a Game of Thrones fan sad?

You ask them to hold the door for you.

Circus Jokes More Circus Jokes

Why didn't the shy juggler perform at the circus today?

Because he didn't have the balls!

What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?

A circus has a cunning array of stunts