Contact Jokes

Why did the chicken get a Ouija Board?

To contact those on the other side.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Coffee Mug

How many successive 'ands' can you fit into a sentence with it still making sense?

The landlord at The Dog And Duck pub needed a new sign to hang above the door, so he contacted his signwriter. The signwriter arrived a week later with the new sign, hung it above the door, and asked the landlord what he thought. The landlord replied with, "I like it. However, I do feel that there should be bigger spaces between ' ' and ' ', and ' ' and ' '".

How do you contact a cross dresser?

Shemail

How bacteria stay in contact while they're in jail?

They exchange cell numbers.

How do truckers contact each other in Wisconsin?

They use a Milwaukee-Talkie

What did the skunk use to contact his girlfriend?

A: His smellular phone!

What's the difference between an airplane and an abortion?

Only one doesn't fly after coming into contact with a hanger

This joke may have profanity.

How will future generations contact Beyonce's ghost?

They'll hold a Beyonceance.

How do you contact dead window cleaners?

Use a squeegee board.

What do black guy's have that is twice the size of white men's, and expands upon contact with a woman?

A criminal record.

How does Super Mario contact the dead?

He uses a Luigi board.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Coffee Mug

Why did the phone keep walking into the wall?

It lost its contacts.

What's your cell phone?

iPhone. - No, I meant the number. - It's a 6. - No, to contact you. - I don't use it for that.

How does Super Mario contact his dead brother?

Using a Luigi board!

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Eye Jokes More Eye Jokes

What did the barber say to the Potato?

You've got eyes on the back of your head!"

Why do liberals travel in threes?

A: One to read one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.

Color Jokes More Color Jokes

What do you call a chameleon that doesn't change color?

A reptile dysfunction.

Which color confuses an idiot?

Blue

Bacteria Jokes More Bacteria Jokes

Where do bacteria like to vacation?

Germany

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

Trucker Jokes More Trucker Jokes

How do truckers contact each other in Wisconsin?

They use a Milwaukee-Talkie

How can you tell that truckers like nuts?

They always have pecans! (Read aloud)

Feel Jokes More Feel Jokes

Why did the horror fan switch off Cujo?

Because he felt like IT

Why didn't the feminist shave her arm pits?

Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free.

Blow Jokes More Blow Jokes

Who thought blowing out candles on a cake was a good tradition?

Ah yes wax would go well with this cake and you know what else Child spit.

What sound does Reddit make when it blows up?

Pao! Edit: Whoa, FP gold. Thank you!

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How do you know a white person is about to tell a joke?

He's looking over his shoulder

What does a blonde put behind her ears to look attractive?

Her ankles.

Hang Jokes More Hang Jokes

Why did the scientist regret naming the organism "Fungus"?

Because after they hung out Gus was actually a pretty boring guy.

What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?

I've been framed.