Defendant Jokes

What do you say to a black man in a suit?

Will the defendant please rise."

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What do you call a chav in a suit?

The defendant."

How do you plead?

Defendant: Not quilty.

What did the defendant say when he saw his picture hung up in the courtroom?

I've been framed.

What do you call a scouser in a suit?

The defendant.

What do you call a drummer in a three piece suit?

A: The defendant.

How do you find the defendant?

Jury Foreman: Well...I guess I just look right at him. Why -- isn't that how you do it

What did the judge say when the defendant cause a ruckus in vegetable court?

Bay leaf get him out if here!

What can you say in your defense?

ampndash Defendant! Stop clowning and sit down!

What do you call a gypsy in a suit?

The defendant

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Why does chav code never compile?

They end every statement with init

What do you say to a chav that has got a job?

Bigmac and fries please

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Why do people keep a picture of their wife and kids in their wallet?

To remind them why there's no money in it

Why not ask the guy who took that picture?

Just kidding, I ran over it.

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What happened when the school bully went netsurfing?

The goalkeeper kicked him out of the football ground.

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How do you brainwash a liberal?

Give him an enema

What do liberals and homeless people have in common?

They are always asking for change.

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Why do you need to be 35 to be elected president?

So women don't get elected.

How many psychologist does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, but the light bulb is going to need to change itself.

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Why is a ghost like an empty house?

Because there's no body there!

Why does everyone love when a ghost goes to a party?

Because he always brings the boos

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How does a Mathematician hang them selves?

With a hypotenuse.

Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?

Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.

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Why does tigger smell?

Becuase he hangs around with pooh! Had to share my 5 year olds joke..

How was the beach?

You hang ten or what " No but I stabbed a couple because they kept asking stupid questions about my vacation