Gandalf Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

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Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

What did Gandalf say when he tried to shut down Auschwitz?

You shall not gas!"

Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

What do hobbits secretly call Gandalf when he drinks too much ?

The White Wizzer

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?

Stupid, filthy habitses!

Why is Gandalf's cupcake shop so successful?

Because he has a magical staff.

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Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

Syrian Mckellen

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

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Where do dogs park their cars?

In barkinglots.

What car does Catwoman drive?

A Purrgeot.

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What is enjoyed if it is wanted and hated if its not?

Democracy

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A: She wanted to tease hair

Song Jokes More Song Jokes

What song was playing at Pulse last Saturday night?

It's Raining Men"

Which songs do planets sing?

Neptunes.

Arrive Jokes More Arrive Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

What does a member of the British Royal Family say when they are reaching climax?

I"m arriving, I'm arriving."

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Why do Republicans make good DJs?

Because they know how to shut the House down.

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

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Why did Mary get a restraining order against Black Beard the Pirate?

He kept trying to plunder her booty.

What do you call a potato that's reluctant to try new things?

A Hesi-tater

Islamic Jokes More Islamic Jokes

What do they call their mistresses in Islamic countries?

Haram Baes

How do Muslims laugh?

Muahahahamed Note: I don't have any prejudices against Islamic people.

Gollum Jokes More Gollum Jokes

What is Gollum's favourite bird?

A Smeagull! :D

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?

Stupid, filthy habitses!