Gandalf Jokes

Why is Gandalf so good in bed?

Because a wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.

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Why did Gandalf have to go to the hospital to get a splinter removed?

He had a staff infection...

What did Gandalf say when he tried to shut down Auschwitz?

You shall not gas!"

Why did Gandalf never listen to the song "Dream Police"?

Because he was no conjurer of Cheap Trick

Why doesn't Gandalf dress as a pimp for Halloween?

So people do not take him as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

What does the high elves call Gandalf?

Methrandir

What do hobbits secretly call Gandalf when he drinks too much ?

The White Wizzer

How does Gandalf know he's pregnant?

A wizard is never late.

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.

What does Gollum think about Gandalf's smoking addiction?

Stupid, filthy habitses!

Why is Gandalf's cupcake shop so successful?

Because he has a magical staff.

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Who played Gandalf in the Islamic version of Lord of the Rings?

Syrian Mckellen

Why does Gandalf never dress as a pimp for halloween?

Because he doesn't want to be taken as a conjurer of cheap tricks.

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What do you call a dress that refuses to learn?

Clothes-minded.

How do you know all Bernie Sanders' supporters are Harry Potter fans?

They all dress like Dobby.

Halloween Jokes More Halloween Jokes

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say when he and his friends decided to dress up as famous composers for Halloween?

I'll be Bach

Where is the best place to vacation for Halloween?

Galapaghost Islands.

Ring Jokes More Ring Jokes

What is Saturn's favorite movie?

Lord of the Rings.

What kind of ring is the least exciting?

A BOring

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do you do when you want to hold a bunny?

You grabbit.

What's the main thing a woman needs to think about when considering a potential boyfriend?

Is this the man I want my kids to spend every second weekend with?

Hobbit Jokes More Hobbit Jokes

Which disease do hobbits fear the most?

The Bilbonic plague.

What do you call a pompous Hobbit?

Bilbo Braggins

Pimp Jokes More Pimp Jokes

What do you call a redneck with two sheep?

A Pimp

What is a goat herder known as in the Middle East?

A Pimp

Hospital Jokes More Hospital Jokes

What is the worst place to hide in a hospital?

The ICU (I-see-you!)

What do hospitals and refrigerators have in common?

If you pull the plug, the vegetables start to decompose.

Arrive Jokes More Arrive Jokes

When did John McEnroe arrive at Wimbledon?

About tennish.

What did the hipster astronaut say when his space mission arrived at the Sun?

Not cool.