Lap Jokes

How do you exorcise a demon?

Make him run a lap then do 10 push-ups and sit-ups

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How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

What did the sea-world trainer's friend say to him after he spilled water on his friends lap?

You did that on porpoise

What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

A lap

What is the difference between a creep and a kid?

I wouldn't let a creep sit on my lap.

Why do athletes prefer nuns to time their laps?

Because when a nun times anything it's zero. (0*n=0) :D

What kind of computers do chihuahuas like best?

Lap-top!

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Signal Jokes More Signal Jokes

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

Why does a billionaire need a Bat signal?

He is in a cave. How does he even see the signal Why won't you just text him

World Jokes More World Jokes

What's the best campsite in the world?

Auschwitz, received well over three million starts

What's black, wears a bandana and ends the world?

Tupacalypse. (thanks to my buddy Mike)

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a tornado and a redneck divorce?

Nothing. Either way they're losing the trailer.

What's the difference between my guitar and my girlfriend?

My guitar doesn't yell at me when I snap it's g-string

Run Jokes More Run Jokes

Why didn't I play in the Woman's world chess championships?

Because I ran

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

Why can't clocks keep secrets?

Because, time will always tell.

How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: "We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time."

Appearance Jokes More Appearance Jokes

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

Spill Jokes More Spill Jokes

What's the phrase for when a bird spills a drink?

Party fowl.

What do you call a hispanic man who spilled his nachos?

A messycan

Water Jokes More Water Jokes

What do you call it when you have enough money to but a truck from 4 different people who used to cross small bodies of water?

You can afford four fjord forders' fords.

What's water?

so she wouldn't feel stupid.