World Jokes

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

Why is Alabama the worlds biggest sandwich?

Because the whole state is inbred

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

What's the name of the smallest pub in the world?

The Thalidomide Arms.

What made the world stop being Blue?

The new softcap limits

Where can you meet horny girls?

Dad! For the umpteenth time there are NO horny girls in this world... Unless they're lesbians.

This joke may have profanity.

What is the thinnest book in the world?

What Men Know About Women

What's the difference between a man who owns a gun and a man who owns a bank?

A man with a gun can rob a bank. A man with a bank can rob the world. (Disclaimer: reword of someone else's post to FB today.)

What does your wife/girlfriend want more than anything in the world?

Nothing, she's fine.

What is the largest moth the world has ever seen?

A mammoth

What's the highest rated hotel in the world?

Aushwitz, 6 million stars.

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They hold it in place and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What's the least spoken language in the world?

Sign language.

How many egoists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. They simply hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What kind of milk do the wealthiest people in the world give to their children?

Why do clouds make good Kings?

Because they have rain over every country in the world.

How many millenials does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. They hold it in place while the world revolves around them.

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

I guess that some people just want to see the world turn

How many femenists does it really take to change a lightbulb?

Doesn't matter how many femenists try, they can't change anything. Alternatively, they just hold it up and wait for the world to revolve around them.

What did the Greek God say when he could finally take the world off his shoulders?

At las!

What is the wettest animal in the world?

A Rain Deer.

Why are government buildings alike all around the world?

free masonry.

Why are women so afraid of looking stupid?

Because they don't want the world to know!

What do you do after you licked the softest and sweetest puss in the world?

You put it back in the crib.

What's the shortest book in the world?

Deutscher Humor!

Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder?

He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world.

Where's Spiderman's home page?

Where's Spiderman's home page? On the world wide web.

What is the fastest cake in the world?

Scone.

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

What's the strongest plant in the world?

Eucaliftus

What did Putin say when the world got mad at him for invading the Ukraine?

Cri-me-a river!"

How manny women dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one she hokds the blub and the world revolves around her.

What is the fastest thing in the world?

Milk. Because it's pasteurised before you see it.

What's the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole.

How many feminists do you need to replace a lightbulb?

Only 1, she'll hold the bulb in place and wait while the world revolves around her.

Why did Oscar Pistorius shoot his girlfriend in the bathroom?

Because he's one of the few people in World that couldn't kick down the door.

Which is the smallest pub in the world?

The Thalidomide Arms.

What do you call a two dentists that live on opposite sides of the world?

Molar opposites.

What is the most beautiful thing in the world?

Is it your right thigh, or your left? Or does the answer lie somewhere in the middle?

Who's the world most famous blacksmith?

Will Smith

What did the bad shock tell the good shock?

I'm bad under pressure!! It's the lamest car joke in the world.

How did Han Solo enter the world?

On the perineum falcon!

Why was the chef mad?

He had all the money in the world, but no thyme.

How many Heros does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

All, to save this world from the darkness.

Why does the USA use F?

The rest of the world has varying degrees of communism.

What's black, wears a bandana and ends the world?

Tupacalypse. (thanks to my buddy Mike)

What is the worlds wettest animal?

The reindeer

How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. They stick the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them!

What would a world without women feel like?

A pain in the arse.

What's the second fastest thing in the world?

What's fastest thing in the world?

What's the worlds strongest animal?

A 'buff'alo

What's the worlds most forceful fig?

The Fig Newton.

What's the worlds longest sentence?

I do.

What does Spock sing in the shower?

What does Spock sing in the shower? I'll stop the world and meld with you!

What does the new socialist leader of France mean for the country, Europe, and the world?

Nationalized wine.. Sounds like the right wing will have some whine too.

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Who has the fastest brain in the world?

Why are topologists on a world of their own?

What is the worst type of doctor you can be?

What's the fastest bird in the world?

What do you call it when worms take over the world?

What's the funniest fish in the world?

Who are the fastest readers in the world?

What would you call Hispanics if everyone in the world were completely equal?

What is the biggest joke in the world as of now?

How many Harvard students does it take to change a light bulb?

Who's the fastest tailor in the world?

What does a girl want more than anything in the world?

What do you call a Microbiologist who travels the world?

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Why did the customer choose T-Mobile?

What's the fastest drink in the world ?

Who's the fastest cyclist in the world?

How many Kardashians does it take to change a lightbulb?

How do you know Tiger Woods is one of the richest people in the world?

What are the most common 3 words used all around the world?

How many twists does a feminist need to screw in a light bulb?

What's the ugliest tree in the world?

What do you call a large vehicle that travels the world serving breakfast?

How many Bernie supporters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What is the best vegetable delivery vehicle in the world?

What would you do if the world blew up?

What do you call an abortion in the world of Mortal Kombat?

What is 50 Cent's guiding philosophy?

How does Kanye West screw in a lightbulb?

Why isn't there a college in the world of Harry Potter?

What's the name of the best brewer in the world?

How many white people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How does a feminist screw in a light bulb?

How many US Congress members does it take to change a lightbulb?

How do you shut down all the nuclear reactors in the world?

How is the world like a bag of jellybeans?

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Who is the most successful liar in the world?

Why is China so politically in bed with Africa?

What is round and hates French people?

Who is fastest girl in the world?

Why did you leave me here all alone?