Makeup Jokes

Why do women wear makeup and perfume?

Because they are ugly and they stink.

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Why doesn't Asia wear makeup?

Because it clogs its SINGAPORES!

Why do soccer players not play in the rain?

It makes their makeup run.

How awful do I look?

Him: You always look beautiful. Me: Do I need to put makeup on Him: Maybe just a... *stare* Him: No.

Why are you putting on makeup, Mommy?

Me: So I look less tired. 3: Why are you tired Me: Because I'm a mom. 3: Why are you a mom Me: 3:

Why does Mom wear makeup?

Me: To look pretty. 5: But she's already pretty. Me: Aww. 5: Dad, you should wear makeup.

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3 Jokes More 3 Jokes

Why were episodes 4, 5, 6 made before 1, 2, 3?

Because in charge Yoda was.

What's the difference between a blue 7 and a red 4?

3, duh. (My ex's 9 year old little sister told me this joke, and followed is up with: "and YOU'RE the math guy!" >< Burned.)

Clog Jokes More Clog Jokes

What are a plumbers least favorite kind of shoe?

Clogs.

What's with those clogs you keep wearing?

I replied, "Wooden shoe like to know."

Wear Jokes More Wear Jokes

Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

Why did the black guy wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

If he was going to be impotent he wanted to look impotent.

Mall Jokes More Mall Jokes

Why did Jared decide to gain all of his weight back?

The mall is hiring new Santas.

What do you call an Autobot who works in an overpriced makeup store at the mall ?

Ulta Magnus!

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Who's a good girl?

WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*

What was that?

4-year-old: Nothing. Me: 4: Me: OK. Parenting is easier than it looks.

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

How are neutrinos and i alike?

Were both constantly penetrating your mom

How dare you complain about your life?

Someone's mom is Snooki.

Rain Jokes More Rain Jokes

Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ?

Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining.

What dinosaur can't stay out in the rain?

A: Stegosaur-rust!

Soccer Player Jokes More Soccer Player Jokes

What did the soccer player shout to the baker who's cakes kept sticking to the tin?

LINE IT!"

What's the difference between a WWE wrestler and a soccer player?

A WWE wrestler will get up after faking an injury.