Steal Jokes

What does IKEA furniture do when it's stolen?

Activates its shelf destruct sequence. I'll see myself out...

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How many black people are needed to change a light bulb?

One less now, because the one who tried to steal the light bulb was shot by the cops.

How do you steal a coat?

You jacket.

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Mexican Immigrant Jokes More Mexican Immigrant Jokes

How do they count the Mexican immigrants?

They start with Juan

How are E.T. and a Mexican immigrant the same?

They both steal your bike.

E.T. Jokes More E.T. Jokes

What's the difference between E.T. and a Mexican?

E.T. learned English and went home.

What's the difference between E.T and illegal immigrants?

E.T actually learned English and wanted to go home.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a hobo crack addict and a millionaire crack addict?

99 dollars.

Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?

One's a marsupial, the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift

4 Jokes More 4 Jokes

What is 168?

Dinner for 4.

Why do they call it a chicken coupe?

If it had 4 doors it'd be a chicken sedan.

Bike Jokes More Bike Jokes

What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?

The asphalt.

Why don't professional athletes ride bikes to warm-up before games?

Because then they'd be two tired

Stuff Jokes More Stuff Jokes

How many kittens can you stuff into a microwave for 15 minutes on defrost...?

SEVEN.

What is your line of business?

Me mumbling: Treason stuff. Cop: Louder for the microphone. Me: Trees 'n' stuff. Gardening.

Work Jokes More Work Jokes

What do you call a guy who works out regularly?

Jim.

What do you call a bunch of potheads working together?

A joint effort!

Baby Jokes More Baby Jokes

What is the difference between a baby and a stamp?

I don't have a stamp collection.

How are you baby?

I am in bed and thinking about you ... And you my dear - I am at a club ... And sitting right behind you!!