Witness Jokes

Why don't Jehovah Witnesses like Halloween?

Because they don't like random people knocking on their doors

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Why are there no jehovah's witnesses in Italy?

The mafia doesn't like witnesses.

What does a War Boy from Mad Max say when he goes to court to sign an affidavit?

WITNESS ME!"

What's the proper procedure when witnessing someone having a seizure in a bathtub?

Sprint to your room, grab all the dirty clothes you can, and start saving money on laundry.

What do you call a witness to an event in the Middle East?

A Dubaistander. Yeah I thought of it myself.

What is your date of birth?

Witness: "July 15th." Lawyer: "What year " Witness: "Every year."

How many pull-ups can you do?

Me: 22. Wife: How many with witnesses Me: Almost 1.

Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?

Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.

What happens when you witness a shipwreck?

You let it sink in.

How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to screw it in one to watch and one to shoot the witness.

Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Wittness?

They don't like any witnesses.

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Like Jokes More Like Jokes

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage"

How are the Mafia and the Amish similar?

They both don't like wires

Date Jokes More Date Jokes

Why didn't the girl go on a date with the artist?

Because he was sketchy.

What do you call two diamonds in a healthy relationship?

Carbon dating

Wit Jokes More Wit Jokes

What do you get from a cowmedian?

Cream of Wit!

What's the difference between humor and odor?

Humor is a shift of wit...

Knock Jokes More Knock Jokes

What was the last line in Anne Frank's diary?

Just a moment, someone's knocking on the door..

What do you suppose Ray Rice's fiance' did when he got her home from knocking her out?

The dishes if she knows what's good for her!

Court Jokes More Court Jokes

What did the lawyers say when they finished their basketball game?

Court is adjourned

What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial?

Odour in court!

Birth Jokes More Birth Jokes

What do you call a cow who just gave birth?

Decalfeinated

How do you explain a man birthing a baby?

Taco bell for lunch

Southern Girl Jokes More Southern Girl Jokes

Which is more promiscuous, a Northern girl or a Southern girl?

A Northern girl says "You can" but a Southern girl says "Y'all can"!

Why don't Southern girls engage in orgies?

Too many thank-you notes.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a puppy and a kernel of corn?

Nothing. They both explode when nuked in the microwave.

What's the difference between a praying nun and a girl taking a bath?

One has hope in her soul and the other has soap in her hole